Kablamo!

This one's for you, bro!

2008-05-15T04:33:00.000-07:00

Dear Blood, Sweat and Tears,

My mind is better.
My determination is better.
My sight is better.
My better is better.

Boo ya.

In other news, I just remembered that I never wrote about those diamonds. Maybe they were a little too crazy.

A Case of the Tuesdays

2008-05-13T03:35:00.000-07:00

Dear Little Men Who Say Great Things,

Upon reading an article about China, I wondered what else the man who said, "Let China sleep, for when she wakes she will shake the world." Turns out he said some pretty interesting things...

"Impossible n'est pas francais."

"An army of sheep led by a lion is better than an army of lions led by a sheep."

and finally...

"Ten people who speak make more noise than ten thousand who are silent."

Do ya know who it is???

Starts with an 'N' and ends with -apoleon Bonaparte. Not bad eh?

In other news, I'm no longer sure what I should do with my life (read: Tuesday nights) because my all-time favorite reality TV show, Bondi Rescue, just came to its end. It was a raw show documenting the men whose jobs are to constantly save people from the deadly but enthralling swirling waters of the South Pacific Ocean. HOT BODIES HOT BODIES HOT BODIES. I can only hope that I am around next year to be: a) watch the 2008/9 seasons, b) be rescued by said lifeguards or c) be married off to said lifeguards. Not picky...preferably the latter two would be the best though.

Also, I just vacuumed my room so I am now taking suggestions for future blog topics.

Cop out.

2008-05-05T05:47:00.000-07:00

Dear Lameness,

Sorry there won't be any posts this week cause I gots me a mucho (thats spanish for gigantor) important preeesentation at the end of the week. Being the twat that I am I volunteered to be a presenter which means I will be shitting my pants for the next few days and do everything in my power to prepare.

So yes, no bloggypoos. Sadly, I am pompous enough to post this apology. Meh...can't will 'em all now can you?

In other news, HAVE A SPECTACULAR WEEK!

A throwback to old times...thanks Lorne for reminding
me that so-and-so still exists!

Cause I got a domeache.

2008-04-30T05:42:00.000-07:00

Dear Gel Caps,

Just in case you haven't seen it...

I'm sad. I didn't get to glow with Rihanna. But I'm more sad that her hair is so short. You know what else? Sometimes I'm amazed that one day I can write about international law and then next I will comment on Rihanna's dome-do. Multi-faceted? Yes. Brilliant? Yes. Shiniest superstar? But of course.

Tomorrow... diamonds.

Off to sleep now, perchance to dream

2008-04-29T04:06:00.000-07:00

Dear Century + 1 Club,

A recent lecture has provided me with a humbling experience and kicked me off the supposed high horse (miniature pony might be more like it?) I had mounted. I cannot recall learning in great detail anything about international law. I know law as a concept exists to provide a framework in which society operates. I know there is domestic law and I know there is international...in between these two levels (which do not necessarily like vertically but more diagonally to each other) there is a whole slew of Latin phrases. I know that international law is seen as "weak" and "futile" due to its inability to efficiently enforce what it originally sought to achieve.

States are most often compelled to abide by international rules and regulations the following reasons (including but not limited to):

diplomatic relations (think reciprocity)
power of public opinion
possibility of sanctions
threat of the use of force

Sometimes however, states still choose not to. So what then? What I think THE most fundamental part of international law is its use as an advocacy tool. While critics of international law as it stands today will say that there is no "global police force," I strongly believe that people in both big and small numbers are one of the most powerful means of affecting change. Take the Declaration of Human Rights for example...though this document is purely aspirational and not legally binding to any of the signatories, it is a pivotal instrument when garnering attention to many issues (E.g. the death penalty in Singapore).

The end.

PS. Congrats to you and me for getting to one hundred and one!

\

No dunce pour moi!

2008-04-25T06:12:00.000-07:00

Dear yellow kerchiefs,

Wassup.

Heres a quick synopsis of the things that went down in my mind:

Rats sweat through their tails.
Two Ups is a drinking and gambling played only on Australia Day and ANZAC Day -- it involves flipping a coin, making it spin, and getting stupid drunk.
Shia LaBeouf is my dream in man form.
Ziploc bags do wonders for sending cookies overseas.
I don't melt in the rain.

Have an most excellent weekend!

Boom dee ada boom dee ada!

2008-04-23T04:48:00.000-07:00

Dear the things I love,

Thanks to Christian for this commercial from the Discovery Channel.

I love the rainstorms!
I love the moon and stars!
I love the fishies!
I love to read books!
I love the whole world and all its sights and sounds!
Boom dee ada boom dee ada boom dee ada

J'ai faim! So? (Part II)

2008-04-22T05:34:00.000-07:00

Dear ........................................ not!

Anybody get it??? No? No takers? Well that's embarrassing. Moving it right along then...

Last week I briefly wrote about the not-so-nascent (love that word) biofuel controversy which may or may not be leading to the food crises that are occurring around the world. Numerous countries, Australia included, are going through what can be labeled as a 'food depression' (I made that up myself! One word: smrt) in which there is simply not enough food for the population consequently leading to an inflation of prices, which in turn can result in violence, poverty, and undernourishment. An article from The Independent suggested that the sharp rise in food prices could drag 100 million people below the sustenance line destroying all the development progress that has been made over the last two decades.

Now are biofuels actually causing these crises? Not exclusively. A changing world and the effects of global advancement are to blame...

shortage of supply -- caused by natural disasters (Eg. flooding in Bangladesh, cold weather in Viet Nam, drought in Oz)
land which was traditionally used for farming is now being used for cash crops or urban settlements (the growth of the biofuel industry is a factor in this causality)
grain is increasingly being used as animal feed instead of human feed
rapidly increasing demand from the rising middle-classes in China and India
high oil/diesel prices play a part when you use petrol-based fertilizers

While the market is shifting to try and meet the new demand caused by population and climate change, it is unlikely that some sort of equilibrium will be met. Solutions range from food aid (VERY very inefficient), to protective barriers and subsidies, to banning said barriers and subsidies to finalizing a world free trade deal.

In the first article I quoted Thomas Malthus who is infamous for his theory that describes at Time X the human population will be checked by a max out of resources. The major criticism to this idea is that undernourishment is not due to lack of food in the world, but lack of distribution. I used to be an advocate of this notion however, after further reading and in light of certain situations I now sit on the fence to whether Mathlus is the champion or the critics are.

Thoughts?
Courtesy of these dudes

Some Buddha Goodness

2008-04-21T07:54:00.000-07:00

Dear deeper meanings,

A young man caught a small bird, and held it behind his back. He then asked, "Master, is the bird I hold in my hands alive or dead?" The boy thought this was a grand opportunity to play a trick on the old man. If the master answered "dead," it would be let loose into the air. If the master answered "alive," he would simply wring its neck. The master spoke, "The answer is in your hands."

Have a phenomenal week!

I'm gonna say not...

2008-04-18T03:42:00.000-07:00

Dear Option H,

Some anonymous stinky-butt posted a comment linking me to this article from The Telegraph. Entitled "Global warming rage lets global hunger grow" is perhaps a mistake. I feel "Global irresponsibility," "World blunders yet again," "Global hunger growing at exponential rates" could have all been slightly more appropriate.

Quick Disclaimer: I DO NOT AGREE WITH EVERYTHING WRITTEN IN THIS ARTICLE

Moving on...biofuels were thought to be the end all to the oil dependency of the United States. Consequently, the government encouraged farmers to transform their arable land which might have been used to grow a slew of other crops into land for corn production. Through massive subsidies the USA aims to divert 45% of its grain output to ethanol by 2015 -- it has already reached an alarming 18%. Canada, Argentina, and several Eastern European countries are aiming to follow suit.

Why is this bad? Well it can be summed up in this quote: "The mass diversion of the North American grain harvest into ethanol plants for fuel is reaching political and moral limits."

According to the UN, it takes around 232 Kg (~550 lbs) to fill one 50L tank with ethanol. A quick search on Google revealed that there are around 250 million cars in the US alone. Doing some quick math its going to take about 62 500 000 000 Kg of corn to fuel the entirety of the USA. Even 50% of that number is monumental. Not to point out the blatantly obvious, but that's a lot of corn. And a lot of corn translates into millions of hectares of land -- which leads to the first controversy surrounding ethanol. As mentioned above a huge amount of land worldwide is being transformed into corn fields. With wheat and/or rice as the central staple in the majority of the world's citizenry, a turn-over from wheat/rice to corn production is having a devastating effect on the mouths of many populations. Bangladesh, Haiti, India, Cameroon and the Philippines are only a few of the countries that are facing severe food crises in which 60-50% of a person's income goes towards putting food on the table.

Thomas Malthus once said, "The constant effort towards population, which is found even in the most vicious societies increases the number of people before the means of subsistence are increased." I believe is right in thinking that our reason has been distorted, and perhaps 6.5 billion people are being checked as the carrying-capacity of the world reaches its tipping point.

Not entirely relevant but interesting nonetheless.
(Know Your Rights)

PS. Tune in next week for Part II.

Creepy? Oui oui!

2008-04-16T05:09:00.000-07:00

Dear Babies,

Its been a busy week and my brain has certainly been churning with ideas for blog posts however, that being said this is not one of those...more of an impulse thing I swear.

Anyways I was looking through my "My Pictures" file and re-discovered these photos. So cute! I think I saved them because that is what I want my spawn to look like. With all this modern day nascent technology there must be some means of choosing a sweet fro for my wee babaaay...those in the know feel free to point me in the right direction.

Which one would you choose to take? Thoughts?

The coolest thing since sliced bread...kablamo even?

2008-04-14T20:27:00.000-07:00

Dear Confidence Intervals,

IN YOUR FACE!

Hans Rosling a genius extraordinnaire has created a program called Gapminder which compiles all the numbers from governmental and intergovernmental databases and then charts them in interactive charts! You can choose your x and y-axis (Eg. Per Capita Income (PPP) vs. Use of Contraceptives) thereby determining what you are indeed making statistically significant. Furthermore once your chart is produced the countries are plotted as colourful dots whose size is relative to the population...so China's dot is huge! So is India's! Lastly you can can see progress through time because this program gives you data all the way back from the 1950s...so you can choose a movie-like option which when viewed is comparable to watching an Aussie-rules footie game (read: tres exciting).

Cool, eh? Thought so.

If a picture could speak 1000 words...

2008-04-10T05:43:00.000-07:00

Dear the Unspoken,

These nuns are rubbing oil over their bald heads
after shaving their hair off as means of protest.

Top Fives Bitch! (Part Deux)

2008-04-09T04:53:00.000-07:00

Dear bullets (not the deadly kind),

Since my imagination is lacking and my muscles are sore I will keep this one concise.

Things That are Hard to do With Your Left Hand Because You are Right-Handed:

Paint the finger-nails on my right hand
Brush my teeth (this combined with the mirror means up is left, right is down, and rinsing goes into my eyeballs)
Performing open heart surgery...alone
Being a pirate
Petting a unicorn

Things That are Hard to do With no Toes:

Walk
Walk faster
Run
Sprint
Fly

Things That are Hard to do With Toes:

Succeed at life.
Bake some delicious cookies.
Crawl
Properly use a microwave.
Hug a unicorn.

Tall Animals to Ride Around the World:

Giraffes
Elephants
Emperor Penguinos
Pandas (when they're standing on their tippy toes)
Hippopotamoose

Things to Give me for a Present:

A unicorn
A cookie
Peanut Butter
Kitty
A panda bear with a year's supply of bamboo

HAPPY HUMP DAY!

Tip the Scale

2008-04-08T03:39:00.000-07:00

Dear Cords Under the Sea,

I first heard of 'viral marketing' from by big bro who mentioned it in passing I think when talking about SNL's Lazy Sunday. For those not in the know, viral marketing a phenomenon that uses "pre-existing social networks to increase brand awareness."

Using YouTube, Google Video and other such portals everyday yous and mes are able to sing, dance, laugh, and animate their innermost desires. However the fundamental factor in this so-called technique is that the primary mode of transmission is through word-of-mouth. Since it is all voluntary you as a internet celebrity in the making must find something that catches people, something amazing, shocking, or wondrous that will make them forward your link onto their friends. So there is a difference between posting a video of you covering Kelly Clarkson's latest tune and getting signed by Justin Timberlake, and that difference is popularity.

In today's day and age the effects of the information superhighways can not only increase the celebrity status of your college friends (think the Chinese Backstreet Boys) but can increase awareness on something perhaps a little more pertinent to the workings of the world. But on that note I'll stop before I get too serious.

Fun-LA!

2008-04-04T04:33:00.000-07:00

Dear Zones of Time,

Ah...the end of the week for both me and you. Fun, eh? I think so. The week always starts out so full of pazzazz (sp?) and then seems to dwindle off. It is quite a rarity that someone looks forward to Mondays as much as yours truly. Alas, Monday is still a ways off so in the meantime I'll entertain with the traditional edumacation sum-up for the past week.

1) Australia participates in daylight savings too! See we are not forgotten down here.

2) People doing karaoke should be shot. Disregard all of my prior opinions regarding universal human rights as NO ONE should be subjected to some chickypoo singing into one of those portable machines. Think 6 billion people...times that by the number of ears each one has...throw some animals in there and those not yet born. I've never been a wiz at math but yeah thats about 100 billion people who don't want you to sing.

3) How to spell K-A-R-A-O-K-E

4) People see what they want to see. I was going to write that people hear what they want to hear but I'm hearing numero dos and my whole being is against it.

5) I have a distinct and strange emptiness in my body. Something is missing, something vital to my well-being and happiness has simply vanished...I haven't had a cookie in two weeks! Something is definetely wrong with the world. Hopefully, this predicament will be remedied tomorrow.

Have a spectacular weekend!

All for one?

2008-04-03T05:40:00.000-07:00

Dear Likeness,

This article recently caught my attention for obvious reasons. Long story short the 60th Anniversary of the UN Declaration of Human Rights is coming up at the end of this year and in preparation a celebratory logo has been designed. The new symbol for universal human equality and dignity was drawn up by Yolande Mulke who commented on the symbolism, "I think what the UN likes about it is the continuity of using the wreath device from the UN logo and the feeling of peace and welcoming that the mad with his arms wide open projects."

But wait...does it look familiar? What about now?

The UN is suffering from a great buyers-guilt right now because the colours are strikingly similar to those used in the logo for Tibetan Resistance. Not realizing their mistake, the UN has said that it was, "an accident, and had no idea that the coulours were those of Tibet" and has planned to replace the older logo with Yolande's recently-controversial design.

Whoops-a-daisy!

a pinch and a punch!

2008-04-01T05:38:00.001-07:00

Dear 1,

Here's a little something I stumbled upon:

It cannot be stolen by thieves, cannot be taken away by the king, cannot be divided among brothers and does not cause a load. If spent it always multiplies...The wealth of knowledge is the greatest among wealths.

I disagree. Knowledge is a load of crock. KIDDING! Gotcha, its April Fool's! Har dee har har.

On a serious note...

2008-03-31T04:34:00.001-07:00

Dear Heart,

Today in one of my classes we discussed international aid within the context of the Millennium Development Goals. Briefly, the Millennium Declaration was signed in 2000 by 189 countries and stated eight highly ambitious objectives addressing major global issues including but not limited to poverty, health, education, and gender. This unprecedented effort has established a universal framework for development, and requires complex networks of coordination and cooperation from all hundreds of world players (states, NGOs, pharmaceutical corporations etc.).

A Map of Global Poverty

As part of this agreement developed countries have in one way or another reached a consensus and agreed upon how much aid (as a percentage of the Gross National Income) should be given to the various causes addressed in the MDGs. What percent do YOU think Canada gives to international aid? A similar question was asked to some people in the USA, and they responded something around 20% (although they thought it should be a lot less...along the lines of 8%). Though the international standard was set at a mere 0.7%, the reality is that the average financial effort is around 0.46% (the US coming in with 0.18% and Canada at 0.29%). Was that what you thought? Didn't think so.

So why is it that the percentage aid is so low? Why do we even commit to giving financial aid at all? Obviously there are many other factors at play. It is inherent that a country must be selfish -- it must first fix its own backyard before tending to other's gardens. So it is understandable that there are other priorities such as funding a war, improving education, building infrastructure etc. take priority in a government's eye. Yet, on the other hand do we not have a moral obligation to help those less fortunate than us? I think we do. The latter reason is not entirely altruistic though. With the present world order I strongly feel that the theory of the butterfly effect comes into play -- the gentle flap of one's wings in Sub-Saharan Africa could have devastating effects on a country in Central Europe. Therefore it is not only a moral obligation but also a global responsibility to fund and support efforts such as the MDGs, for something so great can only be achieved if everyone commits wholeheartedly.

Before the end of lecture the Professor asked a question, and now I turn that question to you: In the moment before you're born, before you know your race, your income, your future, how would you choose a global value system?

And a turtledome in a turtle tree!

2008-03-20T16:19:00.000-07:00

Dear Eggs (and not the scrambled kind),

Alas the weekend is upon me and my family is gathering in the O-town/M-ville (see what I did there?? Yah that was me being bilingual with me nicknaming) and it will be a fun-filled few days filled with laughter, banter, and one too many dollops of maple syrup. Unfortunately for them I shall not be attending seeing as I've got me a flight to catch, a beach to lie on, some sights to see, aaaand my mom says I'm not allowed to fly 24 hours to go home for the weekend. Lame mom, lame.

But since I embody a spirit stick I shall wish you all a very happy easter (I wrote eater...that's the fat kid in me coming out), but before I depart for the next week I'd like to leave with a little something I like to lill-verbs...get it??? Like proverbs but from me?!?! No? Anything??

1) If one cannot properly maneuver around a spiral staircase, perhaps one should lose some weight.

2) Do not fart in front of people you don't know.

3) Do not fart in front of people you do know...unless they are your brothers then fart in their faces.

4) Mhmm.

5) I like cookies. Cookies are good. I want a cookie.

I miss you guys! CHEESE. You're still ugly though.

Some Food for Thought

2008-03-19T14:40:00.000-07:00

Dear Opposites,

"I believe that to meet the challenges of our times, human beings will have to develop a greater sense of universal responsibility. Each of us must learn to work not just for oneself, one's own family or nation, but for the benefit of all humankind. Universal responsibility is the key to human survival. It is the best foundation for world peace."
~ HHDL

"The Dalai is a wolf in monk's robes, a devil with a human face but the heart of a beast. We are now engaged in a fierce blood-and-fire battle with the Dalai clique, a life-and-death battle between us and the enemy."
~Zhagn Qingli, CPC Chief

There must be a way.

2008-03-18T05:32:00.000-07:00

Dear Neema,

In 1948 the UN formally adopted the Universal Declaration of Human Rights based on the assumption that every person, regardless of nationality, should be granted fundamental rights and freedoms. The document was pivotal in furthering the UN's recognition of a common humanity and brought significant attention to the common vulnerability of every individual. Unfortunately this global declaration has proved to be nothing more than a symbolic standard -- a yardstick to which behaviour can be measured. A paradox emerges for states are the only actors that retain enough power to protect and enforce these international standards. Thus it is at the discretion of each country to choose to follow or ignore these supposedly global principles.

In light of the events of the past week in Tibet, it pains me to write that China has chosen the latter.Since the Cultural Revolution which began in 1966, the Tibetan people have suffered continual devastating blows in economic, political, and social arenas. With the escape of His Holiness the Dalai Lama, the small population lost its sole political and spiritual leader. Unable to return home for fear of persecution HHDL has been incapable of fulfilling the responsibilities he has towards his country. He has remained dedicated in his efforts to re-establish what once was, but has thus far failed (though not without significant steps forward) in doing so. Since the initial take-over by the CPC the Tibetan people have suffered a number of grievances including: exclusion from economic development, religious persecution, and a weakening of cultural and ethnic identity. Though an uprising of what we are witnessing right now has never occurred before it seems that the long wait may have been worthwhile. The Tibetans and their supporters have chosen an opportune time to rise up and command the attention of the world as the spotlight is on China for the Beijing Summer Olympics.

While not an expert on international law nor human rights, I can boldly say that through my own curiosity and research the events of the last few days have violated at least ten of the Articles (6 - 11, 15, 17 -20 etc.) outlined in the Declaration. I can also testify to witnessing the tragedy of an eroding culture first hand. I have seen the railroad, the six-lane highways, the results of a foreign culture imposed upon generations of tradition. More distinctly I remember being told over and over the numerous stories of injustice and violence.

Despite what I have just written above what is prevalent among all the people that I have encountered, and all the literature that I have read, is hope. His Holiness preaches the practice of compassion, kindness, and peace whenever possible, he also says it is always possible. Please let it be so.

For more information:
Amnesty International
Students for a Free Tibet
The Independent
His Holiness the Dalai Lama's Website

Sources:
Amnesty International
UN Declaration of Human Rights
My Brain

Just one suitcase?

2008-03-17T05:03:00.000-07:00

Dear Faithful Readers,

Nine thousand years ago the so-called 'cradle of civilization' was born. Since the birth of Mesopotamia people have slowly been migrating away from the countryside and into cities for what they hope would become a golden life. In the past century, this migratory process has been expedited exponentially so much so that during the mid-1900s the first two megacities were born(cities with 10 million + inhabitants): New York and Tokyo. It was long before 17 other cities joined the ranks of these gigantic urban dwellings.

Quoted as the "dawn of the urban millennium" the early twenty-first century is already revealing staggering trends of human movement. While only occupying around 3% of the Earth's surface, about 50% of the global population will call these cement forests their home by the end of 2008. A further UN forecasts predicts that by the end of 2050, that number will be closer to 70%.

But what does this all mean? Well one's initial thought might be directed towards the exponential growth of slums. Lured by the "bright lights" of a city, many migrate with the misconception that an urban area is equated with a higher standard of living...unfortunately they are often wrong. With this idea one cannot help but paint a picture of rows upon rows of corrugated tin-roof huts, lack of access to clean water, no form of proper sanitation, and denial of many of the fundamental necessities of life. While it is ignorant to deny the existence of these tragic pockets of civilization, it is also irresponsible to view the slums in another light.

From an optimists point of view, these concentrations of people represent potential. In factual terms social services such as education and health care cost less per capital in urban than in rural areas. With appropriate governance and adequate resources (yes, I know a lot easier said than done) governments can channel the people and the energy into an avenue to which positive opportunities are realized. So its not all bad.

In fact, I would term this trend as phenomenal. I am not insinuating that it is negative nor positive, but only that the "trickle that has become a torrent" is yet another feat humanity has brought upon itself.

Sources:
National Geographic

My Family Is Funny

2008-02-21T09:38:00.000-08:00

Lots o' Naked

2008-01-14T16:49:00.000-08:00

Dear Abs and Non-Abs alike,

While I'm not opposed to a fine specimen of man complete with Romanesque abs and all that jazz, I find it only slightly awkward to walk into a clothing store and be greeted by a shirtless male model. Call me old fashioned but with so many gigantor muscles floating around the store I begin to feel a little uneasy and most likely start getting red and sweaty.
That being said, if the following happened during one of my shopping experiences I would have peed my pants. Literally.

Where They're Going...

2008-01-08T11:33:00.000-08:00

Dear Edumacation,

The current craze that is taking over Japan is not some fashion accessory nor some cutesy anime character. Though the aforementioned fads may still be quite popular, there is a rapidly increasing demand for an Indian education. Over the past several years, Japan has suffered (and is suffering) from a 'crisis of confidence'.

With the rise of the Dragon (China) and the Elephant (India), Japan is no longer viewing itself as Asia's most advanced nation. Forced into a flux, Japan's domination of the continent has been shaken as China and India gain economic weight and become technologically innovative, respectively. As a result, Japanese parents are becoming worried about their traditional systems of education which seem feeble in comparison to the general Indian curriculum. In Little Angels School, a school run by a India expatriate, two-year olds count to 20, three-year olds are introduced to computers, and five-year olds are able to multiply past 9x9, solve words problems, and write one-page English essays. Really though, this doesn't come as a huge shock once you learn that one of their textbooks is called, "Extreme Indian Arithmetic Drills." Even reading that title makes you feel empowered with Einsteinian math skills.

Sources: "Losing an Edge, Japanese Envy India's Schools"

Where I've Been...

2008-01-07T10:15:00.000-08:00

Dear Absence (not Absinthe),

I've been around. Not doing much of anything really. A little bit of skiing here and there, mixed in with some "thanks a lattes!", with a little bit of accidental drunkeness sprinkled on top. I'm not really one for New Years resolutions but I shall try to get back on board the blog train and get my ratings back up to where they should be. FYI: I don't have ratings but if I did I could imagine them being low right now. Imagination is key.

With that being said, here is a vid-eeeey-o that Christian made of Part A of the 3-Part mix.

Enjoy!

Bubbly and the Good Life.

2007-12-31T13:06:00.000-08:00

Dear 2007,

I find it very fitting to do what the newspapers, magazines, and now me do (too many dos in one sentence) at this time of year. As two thousand and eight approaches at a lightning speed I'm going to jot down what I remember from the past 364 days...

I managed to go from -10 degrees to +10 degrees to +40 degrees to -5 degrees all in a few short months.

One word: Hairspray

I saw the mass graves of thousands, mourned the death of one, and said goodbye to a whole bunch of people more times than I can count.

I got my feet back on the two planks which after a decade hiatus led to nothing short of glory and greatness

I finally got a subscription to National Geographic. Boo ya.

I learned to love lotus soup, artichokes and pad thai for the first time.

I started kicking ass and taking names.

I tied a plant ponytail.

I got inked so I could see further.

I started getting la vida back on track.

So here's to all the things I remember but can't say out loud, to all the things I've forgotten, to all the less than stellar moments, to all the fabulous times, and to the year that was.

This is the most sentimental I'm going to get about my personal life. And finally in the words of the wonderful Oscar Wilde, "The only difference between the saint and the sinner is that every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future."

Bottoms up!

La Fin. Pour Maintenant.

2007-12-21T08:41:00.001-08:00

Dear Folks,

Unfortunately due to lack of sheer brain power I was unable to think of anything mightily awesome to write about for this last post de la semaine. Fortunately for you I'm not that good at creative writing either so you can quickly close this window and continue on with your life. But since I have your attention for the moment, I would just like to say to lay off the cookies (they're for Santa), don't pick your nose (Santa is watching), and make sure that you leave some a nice mojito out for the old man (its Santa's favorite). Alors, until next time MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY MOUNTAINING!

Over and oot.
-LP

The Boy in the Moon

2007-12-19T08:05:00.001-08:00

Dear That Feeling,

I came across this features on the Globe and Mail website and haven't been able to 'put it down'. Ian Brown has the fascinating talent of story-telling and thus writes of his experiences with his son, Walker, who is diagnosed with a very rare genetic mutation called CFC (cardiofacio-cutaneous syndrome). This three-part series is difficult to describe without filling this sentence with overused cliched words for it is truly an incredible, humbling, and captivating story of a father's relationship with his son.

Here's a little teaser...

"Sometimes, watching him, it's like looking at the moon: You see the face of the man in the moon, but you know there's actually no man there. But if Walker is so insubstantial, why does he feel so important? What is he trying to show me?

To answer that question, I decided to look again at the life he had lived, and the way we had helped him live it — first at home, later in a special community for children like him. I climbed into a car and drove across the continent to meet other children with his syndrome.

All I really want to know is what goes on inside his off-shaped head, in his jumped-up heart. But every time I ask, he somehow persuades me to look into my own."

Don't Forget About Them

2007-12-17T09:54:00.000-08:00

Dear _________,

Forty years ago the CIA recruited thousands of Laotian men to fight in the battle against the Vietnamese Communists. Originally hired to intercept supply convoys along the Ho Chi Minh trail among other duties, the Hmong people are now left to fend for themselves. Today these men and their families live in small groups of under 200 moving every few weeks to avoid fatal attacks by the Laotian Army. In the post-war decades, the Hmong have adopted a truly nomadic lifestyle to ensure their short-term survival. Mostly living on wild yams, bamboo shoot, small animals, and rice from sympathetic farmers these groups are, "indigent even by the the standards of rural Indochina."

The Hmong live in a perpetual state of fear because they are viewed as enemies and betrayers of the Communist Party. Reports from Amnesty International has stated that the Laotian Army have been increasing their efforts to find these so-called insurgencies with the intention to, "starve the remnants of families from their jungle dwellings." Not surprisingly, the Laotian government denies that CIA veterans are hiding and supported that notion by saying, "There are no clashes. As you may notice by traveling our country, there is a peaceful atmosphere."
Ironically, they themselves are the ones who have been betrayed when the Americans pulled out of South East Asia and left little to no aid or support.

Sources:
NY Times
Amnesty International

New Snake Resembles Camel!

2007-12-11T09:16:00.000-08:00

Dear Nature,

As if bumble bees weren't deadly enough, mother nature kindly decides to throw a new species of snake at us humans. According to National Ge ographic, Africa's Naja ahsei (translation: death-eater extraordinaire) is not only the world's newest species of snake but is also the largest spitting cobra. This inhabitant of Kenya, Uganda, and Ethiopia is described as "extremely aggressive" and can grow up to nine feet in length and probably has the girth of a 300-year old tree trunk. Due to its grandour, and blood and tissue samples, this creature is in a group of its own...perhaps in the upper echelons of the snake world.

Cool beans. I love slithering, venomous, chicken head-eating creatures (they like to snack on up to 7 chicken heads at once) of delight. They make my day shine a little brighter, and my life that much more complete.

Ayo Wineology

2007-12-10T06:55:00.000-08:00

Dear Sommeliers,

With the busy holiday season one may not have time (read: hands) to hold a little something extra. These heartfelt weeks are chock-a-block full of fun festivities such as: hugging, hand gesturing, gift-giving, shopping, eating, eating more, shoveling snow, driving through snow, baking so that you can eat more, cooking so that you can eat more, watching people bake and cook so you can eat what they make, and perhaps a little snow angel activity thrown in there. What this season is going to lack though is a small yet pivotal action: holding your wine glass.
With the "Wine Glass Holder Necklace" one can chitty chat to their hearts delight, reach for those delicious h'orderves, and perhaps finish knitting that delightful tea cosy for Cousin Mary-Lou without having to worry that you won't get your fill of the good stuff.

Check it out:They are available from Amazon and come in handy dandy sets of two!

Now back to things more pertinent to the rest of my life...

This one is short. Like your face.

2007-12-07T08:54:00.000-08:00

Dear Horses,

To laugh click here.

Have a superb weekend!

Santa Baby Doo Bee Doo Bee Doo

2007-12-06T09:21:00.000-08:00

Dear Game,

So its the holidays, I'm lonely...that's about as far I'll go with that one. BUT I have discovered a surefire way to remedy the whole situation. If the action won't come to me let me come to the action. Ladies and gentleman feast your eyes upon the "Mistletoe-to-Go"...

Sigh.

For the mistletoe in use check this out.

Symbology 101

2007-12-05T08:00:00.000-08:00

Dear Meaning,

A bold type, a green light, and the middle finger.

A red hexagon, an downwards pointing arrow, and a skull.

The Big Dipper, a scepter, and a pennies over the eyes.

Symbols have a place in every person's history and language. These icons represent a greater meaning through resemblance, convention, or association, and can be both intricate or simple. From a thumbs up to Plato's infamous Divided Line to Rockafella's diamond, universal signs allude to something more rich in meaning. Here are a few that I've found...

Khanda -- a very important symbol in Sikhism which alludes to the four weapons used by Sikhs during the time of Guru Gobind Singh Ji, the last Guru of the Sikhs. The image represents the infinite life of God and his perfection. The four weapons are:

Khanda -- the double edged sword in the middle representing God's duality (Miri = political sovereignty and Piri = spiritual sovereignty)
Chakkar -- the circular weapon surrounding the Khanda
Kirpans -- the two single-edged swords surrounding the first two weapons

Aum -- this symbol to the right is written in Tibetan script but orginally comes from Hindu texts. It is placed at the beginning and at the end of all spiritual readings as a sacred exclamation. The etymology of this word is believed to come from the Sanskrit name of the syllable pranava which in turn is rooted in the word nu which translates into "shout" or "praise."

Ouroboros -- this ancient symbol has meaning in both religion and mythology. Generally the dragon or serpent swallowing its own tail represents the cyclical aspect of one's life and unity. The name Ouroboros is the Greek word meaning "tail-eater" and the image of the serpent is believed to have come from the cosmos as many believed that a serpent of light resided in the heavens.

I'm Back, Biatch.

2007-12-04T07:46:00.000-08:00

Dear Santa,

With only 20 days until the infamous eve of crawling mice, cookies, pine needles, and all things jelly related I felt it appropriate to list my "I Wanna I Wanna I Want" List.

1) In a valiant effort to improve the education of nearly two billion children in developing countries, the One Laptop Per Child program is seeking to expedite this process by providing the necessary tool: the laptop. While the initial plan was to cost the "learning learning" computers at $100 USD, that price cannot be reached until the volume of orders reaches x number driving the manufacturing costs down. So OLPC has launched the Give One Get One program where when you order a laptop for a child overseas you also receive one too! Think of it as buy one get one free.That's actually pretty much all I want for Christmas....yeah, call me an angel, call me a saint, but I just like to be called a normal human being. Everyone is a hero at some point in their life, I just happen to be one every day of mine. No biggie. Ha!

Update: my computer is still brokedeezy and I can't seem to figure out my mom's mac. Here my complaints re: the computer...

Everything is round, there are no edges! I want some effin corners in my windows!!!
There is no right click button so how do you save pictures? The left click button is so unusually large that I don't think its a bad thing to suggest to ol' Stevo to just split that right down the middle.
I can't figure out how to open two windows or the same thing. The same window just keeps popping up.
MacBook is racist. Yeah. So there.

2007-11-28T09:00:00.000-08:00

Dear Darla,

I hate your stinkin' guts. You make me vomit. You're scum beneath my toes.

Love,
Alfalfa

On a serious note, my computer is fucked right up. Hopefully, I'll manage to figure out how to plug in one of those old school desktop keyboards into my baby by this weekend. Its gonna take me awhile to attach A to B so don't make fun. I hope you, yes you, don't miss me too much.

Until next week then,
Lillian "Water-Spiller Extraordinare" Parsons

SUCKNESS

2007-11-23T08:17:00.000-08:00

Dear J-Frost,

ITS FRIDAY! Christian comes tomorrow! Christian comes tomorrow! Christian comes tomorrow! For all you not in the know, that means I not only have an additional friend but a brother to hang out with. We're going to drink together, eat together, I'm going to punch him and run away, then he's going to punch me and I'm going to unexpectedly land flying left hook on his dome (thanks muay thai), and we're going to hang out and then hang out and then hang out some more! No more of this going to bed at 9:30 business, no more getting the brunt of all my mom's anger, no more, no more, no more.

I just knocked over a glass of water on my effin computer keyboard. FAAACK. Such an idiot. So far everything is in working order,/// / / / / except/ for/ the/ fact/ when/ i/ push/ the/ fucking/ space/ bar/ a/ fuckin/ slash/ comes/ up./ FUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCK./ / / I/ dont/ get/ it/ I/ didn't/ even/ spill/ on/ the/ fuckin/ spacebar./ Shit./

It has come down to this...

2007-11-22T08:24:00.000-08:00

Dear Despair,

Thanks to Ad's blog, I became aware of a of an article describing the unfortunate phenomenon of a self-made narcotic, Jenkem -- a "noxious mixture made from fermented sewage." When glue is unavailable and gas is too dangerous to steal Zambian teenagers literally scoop sewage into bottles, leave them to ferment, and then get high when enough methane has formed at the top. At complete disregard from where the product came from, children are looking for any means of escape -- this high lasts about and hour and comes at no monetary cost.

While Jenkem in itself is sickening, it is even more disheartening to ask the children and teenagers why they choose to partake in such a practice. The HIV/AIDS epidemic in Zambia is said to affect at least 25% of adults in urban areas. This combined with government policies among other factors is destroying the domestic economy resulting in huge waves of children being sent out onto the street. With the traditional backbone of any society rapidly disintegrating, the youth are forced to fend for themselves. Boys try to find any labour, and girls are often forced to sell their bodies. It seems as if the national economic problems of Zambia are being taken out on those that are supposed to be the future of the country. These youth are being driven to find and then hold onto anything that will allow them to survive that much longer.

Image courtesy of Mother's Movement

An employee of the Zambian Drug Enforcement Agency summarizes it best when he said, "It's unimaginable. It hits right at the heart to see a human being coming down a level, to be able to dip his hand into a sewage pond, picking out the material and not caring about anything but the feeling of getting high." I suppose then, it doesn't seem to surprising that these street children have found a means in which to free themselves from the burdens they carry, even if it is only for an hour.

Source: BBC News

Choo Choo

2007-11-20T10:54:00.000-08:00

Dear Parallel Tracks,

Sometime last week my looking balls came across this article in the International Herald Tribune, which I found incredibly interesting. If I was a real journalist I would have done some more digging and perhaps found a few other sources, but since I am a little short of the Anderson Cooper world this one article will have to suffice. So here goes...

I always knew that railroads played a vital part to a country's dynamic. Seriously...I had to write a paper on the railway boom in British North America and the Dominion of Canada in the second half of the 19th century. Not that its a big deal or anything but I totally killed that paper. Boo ya. Moving on...railroads in themselves are fascinating feats of engineering and pivotal in sewing a country together. These seemingly infinite metal tracks do not merely serve as a means of transportation but also as physical vectors for the nation's inhabitants. This last point is exemplified in the article, "Riding the Train of Dreams Across India".

In India, the Pushpak Express is the starting line for young hopefuls eyeing something great. Often it is young men who board the train in hopes of achieving big dreams in the 'City of Gold'. As one journeys from the bleak countryside into the urban domain, the shift in affluence is apparent. The scenic farmland and dirt roads slowly disappear giving way to traffic-filled streets, large buildings, and bright lights. It can be overwhelming and its easy to see why there is such an epidemic of the so-called Mumbai Fever. However, migrants' lofty hopes of lucrative job offers are often dashed as the thousands of country folks become part of the city's great anonymous. One older migrants recalled that, "Dreams don't go away in Mumbai, they just get smaller."

According to this article, one of the greatest migrations in world history is happening in India. If current migration trends continue as predicted, every minute about 31 villagers will show up in Mumbai for the next 43 years. This South Asian migration combined with the exodus currently going on in China has, "helped push the world over a historic threshold this year: the planet, for first time, is more urban than rural." And to think that the majority of these people began their quest for the good life by boarding a train for about six dollars.

Got Milk?

2007-11-19T08:54:00.000-08:00

Dear Methane Contributors,

With all the changes that are perpetually occurring throughout the world, it seems normal yet is slightly unexpected that the global village is currently undergoing a worldwide milk boom. Over the past couple of years several factors have contributed to the significant increase in demand for milk and thus commercial dairy farming. Some may even go so far as to say that supply is not keeping up with the rising demands resulting in shortage of the good stuff.

The primary driving force behind the increased demand for milk comes from the "roaring global economy." As millions of people rise out of poverty and into the middle class they have the disposable income to spend on luxury items such as televisions, clothes, meat and of course, milk. Figures from 2000 show that the average citizen in China consumed a mere 9L of milk per year, while pales in comparison to today's 25L consumption rate. Furthermore, in the current state of affairs it isn't at all surprising that China has become the leading milk producer and milk importer in the world.

Another factor contributing to the rising costs of milk are the mounting costs of feeding the source. With the high, "demand for bio-fuels is pushing up the price of corn and other grains, which is what farmers use....to feed their cows instead of grass." Furthermore the milk industry tends to be controlled heavily by the government, though the price supports and subsidies may become somewhat irrelevant due to the sudden milk boom.

How exactly does all this milk activity effect us? Well the answer is simple (and obvious): rising prices. Yet, it goes beyond paying a dollar more for a carton of milk. Because milk is used in a great several forms in an even larger range of food products (baby formula, cheese, chocolate, butter, ice cream, cake etc.) the effects are felt to a wider extent. Now Starbucks sells more milk than coffee and has raised their drink prices accordingly. Pizza parlors and ice cream vendors alike have also adjusted their prices to compensate. Hershey's has suffered a fall in profit tied to the increased cost of production, and even Kraft (think KD) is feeling the blow.

Whats interesting about this entire situation is not that milk can be compared to oil, or even that such a seemingly trivial industry has literally taken off in the past few years, but why. In under five years, the growing middle class (primarily located in developing countries) has transformed the world market. Its interesting how five years ago such people could be labeled as a burden to the society they lived in and now they are a significant driving force in the global economy.

What is unusual, and somewhat confusing, about the milk boom compared with other booming commodities is that milk is not like oil: You can't stick it in barrels and stockpile it. It goes sour. Even in powder form, the most commoditized version, milk has a shelf life. As a result, only about 7 percent of all the milk produced globally is traded across borders. The rest is consumed in domestic markets, which are protected by geography and just as often by tariffs or subsidies.

Pantyhose Were Invented By Men

2007-11-16T09:26:00.000-08:00

Dear Trios,

Its finally friday, and though it has not been a stressful week in the life of me whatsoever my brain is at a loss for thoughts. Tis' quite sad really. I'm not quite sure I should even post...but here I am posting and blabbering.

To remedy all of this I'll to Top Threes...

Actors Who Make Me Uncomfortable:
1) Joaquin Phoenix
2) Jonathan Rhys Meyers
3) Terrence Howard

Spices:
1) Scary
2) Sporty
3) Baby

Capitals I Bet You Didn't Know:
1) Addis Ababa (Ethiopia)
2) Riyadh (Saudi Arabia)
3) Port Moresby (Papua New Guinea)

People Who Should Go On Vacay:
1) Timbaland
2) Nelly Furtado
3) Britney

Things I Want To Do This Weekend:
1) Go see a movie, rent a movie, be in a movie
2) Read mi libro
3) Dream of great things

Like flies to poop.

2007-11-14T07:51:00.000-08:00

Dear Dr. Couzin,

Ants build bridges, fish swim in schools, locusts move in swarms, and humans both gather and repel each other. Why? Well the reasons behind such behaviour is complex, as is how such results emerge but it can be simplified down to the simple term, "swarm intelligence."

Animals live a great deal of their lives as individuals. Meaning they strive to lengthen their own lifespan, survive, and thus often do what serves their best interests. However, sometimes the most benefits are reaped when joining into a group. By moving in these swarms of thousands and perhaps millions, relatively simple animals can form a single collective brain and move as a stronger unit. Often, these behaviours are said to arise spontaneously or as if the animals' brains are all sending telepathic messages to one another. For ants, the entire colony benefits by creating a highway which brings necessary nutrition to the nest. In contrast, locusts tend to become a devastating force when the density of these flying creatures in a certain area passes a threshold. Upwards of that threshold, each locust begins to align its movements with its neighbour and their infamous attack is put into motion.

Swarm of locusts

What is interesting however, is that an individual's behaviour is governed by their own experiences. Furthermore, the individual seeks to balance 2 instincts:
1) staying with the group
2) move in a desired direction.

Most often several leaders will move the swarm in a singular direction, and these two instincts are automatically balanced. Where it becomes polar is when there are several leaders pulling the group in several directions. When this situation arises, studies show that the group will somehow reach a consensus and choose (by majority) which direction to go. This decision is made without recognizing the others' choices and even without consciously acknowledging one's own.

These trends found in the the insect can be applied to us humans although we are described as, "mediocre swarmers." But it is easy to see that people prefer to stick in groups, and though we may think our decisions are made more consciously it is not necessarily so. Our "inner swarm" -- these aforementioned behavioral patterns on a cellular level, are still very much a mystery.

This is Lillian M. Parsons reporting for Kablamo News. Over and out.

Source: NY Times Article

Point Form = No Skill

2007-11-12T21:47:00.000-08:00

Dear Brain Matter,

3 neat things I've come across in the past 3 days:

1) glo Pillow

This pillow was created as a synonym to the familiar BEEP BEEP BEEP of your early morning wake up call. Instead of sounding the alarm at exactly 7:00 in the am, the glo Pillow is programmed to start glowing about 40 minutes before the actual wake up time in order to simulate a natural sunrise. The LEDs slowly become brighter and brighter, carefully bringing the sleeper out of his dreams and into reality helping set the "body clock" for the days to come.

2) 344 992 000 000

Dollars. Wal-Mart, the world's largest company will rack in the aforementioned about of money in the the 2007 fiscal year. That number is so big I don't even know how to say it.

3) Shel Silverstein still has a place in my blood pumper...

This bridge will only take you halfway there
To those mysterious lands you long to see
Through gypsy camps and swirling Arab fairs
And moonlit woods where unicorns run free.
So come and walk awhile with me and share
The twisting trails and wondrous worlds I've known.
But this bridge will only take you halfway there --
The last few steps you'll have to take alone.

Good Mornian!

2007-11-12T09:30:00.000-08:00

Dear Fallen Branch,

Sorry for my absence, I know you must have all thought that I have been under the weather as They say but alas it has been a downed internet connection that has prevented me from connecting with you. See what I did there? I just linked you, me, and the internet together in a web of entanglement. Mhm. Moving on...

A huge branch fell down in my yard, I'm still reading the same book I was a month ago, I have a quiz tomorrow which I haven't studied for, I was partnered with Mean Girl in Muay Thai yesterday, I don't have any pants, I have to go to work today, and my mom still thinks I'm a fat kid. Besides that my wrist is healing with flying colours and my hair looks particularly volumized today (thank my pillow).

This week will be better. My posts have sucked, I will try to jump of the suckage train and onto the new Boeing 777. Get it??? Anybody?? No? Oh.

Pants. My legs are jealous, and cold.

They want my bouquet

2007-11-06T16:07:00.000-08:00

Dear ip-op,

Check one two one two. He can speak for me cause I gots to learn some chemistry...OH yes, that just happened! I just thew down some ill rhymes. WHAAAT?!

Death vs. the Good Fat

2007-11-05T07:35:00.001-08:00

Dear Origins,

Assassin -- Though the etymology is disputed the general consensus is that this word is derived from a secret Muslim sect, the Hashashim, who were active in the 9th and 10th centuries. The group opposed the Crusades and consequently killed Christians in support of their own political and religious views. While Marco Polo describes a drug whose effects are similar to alcohol, any consumption of the aforementioned liquid is forbidden under the Muslim faith, and thus it is highly probable that substance was indeed hash. The men who became known as assassins, smoked hash before going on kill missions in order to either calm themselves or boost their courage for the task which lay ahead.

"The Assassin" a customizedsoccer boot
retailing at about $5000

Avocado -- this green fruit originated in Mexico in about 6000 B.C. However, it wasn't until several thousand years later that it was actually cultivated in an agricultural manner. The pear-shaped lump of goodness was called "ahucatl" after the Aztec word for testicle, most likely due to its close resemblance to a man ball, but also because it was thought to be an aphrodisiac. To the Spanish ears, "ahucatl" sounded phonetically similar to "avocate" which eventually caught on and is translated into Enlgish as "avocado". These fruits are also known as "avocado pears" or "alligator pears" because of their shape, and the texture and colour of the skin.

In other news, my cankles have disappeared and I can once again see the bones in my ankle.

Sources:
Fun with Words
Wikipedia
Fresh California Avocados

The Bangalore Butler

2007-11-01T09:26:00.001-07:00

Dear Former Boundaries,

I was perusing the NY Times this wonderful fall morning and stumbled upon this article. Basically, the piece is describing the nascent stages of the second wave of global outsourcing.

This phenomenon began several years ago with what has been called the 'disassembly line'. In contrast to Ford's revolution, this new age means of building a product has, "shattered it into a thousand pieces and scattered the line around the world." In an effort to lower costs and time, the supply chain has been divvied up into specialized sub-assemblies. For example, a shirt that is made in a factory in Hunan province, could have the fabric weaved in Sichuan, the buttons molded in just outside of Beijing, and the labels sewn on in Shenzhen. Think of these processes as a pinball machine - going back and forth, back and forth until the final product is created. While China is the world's factory, India is increasingly becoming the world's back office.

Computer programming, call centres, info tech development are all jobs that have moved overseas to India viz the Internet. Much like China, it is cheaper and thus more attractive to companies in the West to get on board the outsourcing train. What the NY Times article is touching on however, is this expansion of outsourcing to consumer-related services...like butlering (well...personal assistance)! While some services like landscaping and hairdressing will always remain in country, those which can be done overseas will migrate elsewhere.

Take tutoring. Traditionally a job done face-to-face, can now not only be done online but a student in Vancouver can be helped by a teacher in Mumbai. Through the internet, VOIP, and the commonality of English this is all possible for usually 30% cheaper than companies that don't outsource. Don't worry though, if you can't quite handle the South Asian accent have no fear for workers now are being taught to speak English with American or British accents. The level of education of the outsourced workers is also a concern consumers should disregard for every year more engineers graduate from college in the state of Andhra Pradesh than in the USA as a whole.

This concept of exporting services is revolutionary because history has always shown that exports are goods. The ability to export services easily and cheaply has made offshoring and outsourcing the next logical step in the advancement of the global economy.

An unrelated peekture from Globe and Mail

Sources:
NY Times (Online)
The Elephant and the Dragon ~ Robyn Meredith

Beeblebox's Vortex of Ass

2007-10-31T10:06:00.000-07:00

Dear Little Plastic Wrappers,

Let's play a little game. Its called 20 Questions. Ready? Go!

1) I float in the ocean.

2) I'm twice the size of Texas.

3) I'm 80% plastic.

4) I weigh 3.5 million tons (which is 7 000 000 000 pounds).

5) When I reach land I throw up on the beaches spewing garbage absolutely everywhere.

Nothing? Here's a hint it starts with 'I' and ends with '-sland of garbage floating around in the Pacific Ocean'.

Apparently this Great Pacific Garbage Patch has been in the works since the 1950s and is formed in an area known as the North Pacific sub-tropical gyre. In this particular stretch of ocean the water circulates in such a manner that currents force floating materials (i.e. trash) to the centre of the gyre, thereby allowing a mammoth build up of the recyclables. According to the Greenpeace website, there is an estimate six kilos of plastic to every one kilo of natural plankton. For the folks a little inept at math, plastic outnumbers plankton by SIX TIMES.

Because plastic doesn't tend to decompose, the debris remains floating in islands for decades before finally migrating down and making a new home in the bottom of the ocean. The majority of the waste is swept off land by wind or rain and is carried out to sea via rivers, fjords etc. (not really fjords, but I like that word and it seemed fitting). The remaining 20% comes from gigantic barges which either dispose of their unwanted goods to "illegally avoid the cost of proper disposal in port" or accidentally lose containers overboard in the stormy seas. Such incidents can add 29 000 rubber duckies, 34 000 hockey gloves and 33 000 basketball shoes to the sea in one go (LA Times).

Lastly, according to a study done by the U.N. there are about 46 000 pieces of plastic floating in the world's tub for every 1 square mile of water. That's a lot of plastic, and not so much water. Think about it. No...YOU think about it!

Faux Pas s

2007-10-30T10:50:00.000-07:00

Dear the Line,

I would do a lot of things, venture into the unknown, and go there. Some call me an astronaut of life while others are simply speechless because they are so filled with wonder and awe. However, today I will try to make you realize that I'm a normal person like Jane next door (funny coinkidink, there is a Jane next door!) with my list of things I would never do...

1) Sing Karaoke

2) Watch people do Karaoke

3) Have a Karaoke party

4) Own a Karaoke machine

5) Run naked. Its weird, you get cold and I would probably get shin splints.

No title cause I'm lame.

2007-10-26T09:34:00.001-07:00

Dear new weather system,

I have nothing to say. Surprise surprise. No seriously though, I don't even think I have some awesome pictures to put up. Lemme check...yep, nope. Okay here's the deal: I'm going to go take the dog out for a poop then try and think of something crazy cool to put up.

5 seconds later...yeah, Kitty is sleeping.

Anyways here what I learnt this week:
1) Chemistry

Here's what I'm excited about in the upcoming days:
1) Not doing chemistry

Boo ya. I think if there was a trophy for the most creative imaginative thing, I would win. Hands down. I may or may not have already cleared some shelf space for my new gold trophy. By shelf space I mean I contracted a carpenter to build me the greatest mahogany trophy case to house this glorious object celebrating how superb my brain is.

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY AD!!!

3 Days Until Ad's Birthday!

2007-10-24T07:59:00.000-07:00

Dear Weddie,

Ah, the beloved hump day. Unfortunately the week for me can only get worse BUT I suppose on the positive side there are only 2 days when it can be absolutely horrible (to be said in a French accent).

But today I do not want to discuss the looming unkablamoness of my upcoming midterm, I do not want to let the world know that my looking ball still resembles a squashed tomato, I do not want people to feel sorry for me and the depressing rain...no, no, no, today I want to talk about fascinating things.

Like me.

Kidding...not about me being fascinating but about me talking about me being fascinating. Fascinating to me is crazy cool amazing phenomenal scintillating challenging and non-challenging alike nouns. Like Kitty. She's a thing, a dog to be exact AND the world's coolest dog at that. Another example is The Darjeeling Limited - a well-done five star movie which mixes comedy with the fantabulous colours of India. What else is fascinating? Hmm...lightning, thunder, rain but not drizzle, libros, books and livres, levers, salmon, lakes, fresh water likes, fresh water lakes at high altitudes, Ad's birthday, posters of gigantic things like fish, a globe that opens and theres rum in it, photos, photos in black and white to make things look more artistic, a 10-year old girl selling paintings for copious amounts of cash, turtles and the fall season. Just to make it clear, frogs are not, I repeat are NOT, fascinating in any shape, size or form.

The next and last fascinating thing I'm going to talk about today is this blog called "Indexed". This imaginative character/blogger depicts the situations of life on Venn diagrams and simple supply-demandesque graphs in an attempt to, "make fun of some things and sense of others."

Check it, yo.

Fats To Get a Letter

2007-10-22T22:08:00.000-07:00

Dear Husky,

As I was perusing the daily headlines I stumbled upon this one: "Parents of obese children in U.K. may get warning letters" I'm not going to say whether this is a good idea or not. I don't know if the letters will actually affect change or even if its the schools' moral obligation to send these types of letters.

On one hand sending a memo entitled "Re: YOUR KID EATS BABIES FOR BREKKIE" is not nice and thus probably not the most effective way of making a difference. I mean authorities don't send letters out telling parents that their child is ugly...but then again being hideous isn't necessarily a hazard to one's health or detrimental to a population. Furthermore, I'm not sure if this is the wake-up call parental units will need to get their offspring to board the health train. If anything, such letters will probably anger parents prompting them to become defensive of their little porker. I think instead of battling the increasing obesity epidemic governments should lead by example. For instance, if Mrs. Clinton become presidito, she should probably encourage her and her flame to shed some poundage. Look at Sarkozy! Always photographed running, in rockin' suits, his ex-wife is a slim fashionista and the results? France is skinny. Point proven.

HOWEVER, it is slightly amusing that instead of getting an 'F' for fail on your report card you get an 'F' for fat on your weight card! Haha, lame...Sorry. But on a serious note such a proposal is telling that obesity is becoming on par with the serious issues that require a note being sent home (E.g. drug and alcohol abuse). With that being said, I'm going to go on a 15 km run...run I mean eat, and by 15 km I mean cookies.

A completely unrelated picture...L'il Roar Roar on the
left and Kitty on the right.

High Five for Creativity!

2007-10-22T09:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Eisel,

With the popularity of PostSecret increasing exponentially, I was curious about other community art projects in motion and decided to do a little digging. Amidst all the googleshit I found these two which are particularly interesting. Take a looksie...

1) The Bubble Project
This project was started by a one Ji Lee, who is attempting to rebel against the corporations by encouraging open dialogue through bubbles. This project was started when Ji printed out several thousand blank thought bubble stickers and placed them around various locations in New York. The public did the rest, and the rest as they say, is history.

2) Invisible Clock
This project involves benches, a park, an author, and some mad digital-something skills. Basically the project is aiming to replace the mundane seats and backs of park benches with different images and text to, "enhance a public sitting space" which is used to, "rest, contemplate, nap and wait - for a friend or for our daydreams." The text on all the benches is an excerpt from a book by Alan Lightman called Einstein's Dreams and is fitting for a park where one tends to get lost in their thoughts and lose track of time.

Have a most fantabulous week twinkies!

The Weekend Limited

2007-10-19T09:28:00.000-07:00

Dear Hey Heeeeeeyy,

So today is Friday. If I were a working woman I would totally be like TGIF, but since I'm not Friday is but another day that comes before a Saturday. But Saturdays are good, cause that means my parents...uh...I mean roommates can keep me company as I run around the house like a doped up hamster. This week was filled with fun things like Kanye, less fun things like Chem, and completely un-fun things like my eye exploding (true story, ask my dad...I'm pretty much a cyclops now). I didn't really learn too much super interesting things and that is why this wrap-up might be a little less informative than I would hoped it would be. I like banana bread.

1) An igloo has nothing on my house.

2) The periodic table is like an alphabet, the compounds are words, and I am dyslexic.

3) Despite popular belief, you can't catch syphilis from a doorknob. Also, never EVER google image the aforementioned STD. Its gross, and unless you want to see a lot nasty ass who-who-dillies I would leave that one alone.

4) Louis Pasteur said something pretty interesting, "When I approach a child, he inspires in me two sentiments; tenderness for what he is, and respect for what he may become."

5) You CANNOT say, "I don't walk fast." you have to say, "I don't walk quickly." (Something to do with an adverb and a chicken)

HAPPY BIRFDAY!

2007-10-18T09:15:00.000-07:00

Dear Zac's Mom,

Thanks for bring Z into this world...into my world. Too creepy? Almost.

PS. Thanks to Kanye's mom too! (Its not his birfday but I thought I would just raise my diamond in the air for him.)

Congratulations!

2007-10-17T11:49:00.000-07:00

Dear Himalayas,

I came across this article on the NY Times Website last night. In short the article is describing China's disapproval with H. H. Dalai Lama receiving the Congressional Gold Medal in Washington. The medal is awarded to "any individual who performs an outstanding deed or act of service to the security, prosperity, and national interest of the United States." (Wikipedia)

China is subtly threatening serious ramifications if the ceremony goes forward as planned. As of yesterday, President Bush was to award H.H.D.L. in his residence, and not in the oval office, today. What particularly struck a chord with me were the daft comments made by Zhang Qingli, the leader of the Tibet Communist Party. Mr Zhang said and I quote, "Such a person who basely splits his motherland, and doesn't even love his motherland has been welcomed by some countries and has even been receiving this or that award." The party boss goes on to say, "We are furious. If the Dalai Lama can receive such an award, there must be no justice or good people in the world."

For those not in the know, the Dalai Lama has been exiled from Tibet since 1959 after tensions in Lhasa became to dangerous for the spiritual leader to remain in his home country. For the past 48 years H.H.D.L. has tried desperately to come to some agreement with the Chinese government to free Tibet. In 1989, he was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for his efforts in promoting understanding and respect for humanity as a race, and for seeking to reach a settlement with regards to Tibetan autonomy. Unfortunately, the Chinese government did not and will not award region a higher level of autonomy and successive attempts of reconciliation have been futile.

It becomes clear that H.H.D.L. should be anything but the target of Mr. Zhang's unfounded remarks. He remains loyal to his motherland, Tibet, and would want more than anything to return home before his life in this world ends.

For more info on Free Tibet:
Students for a Free Tibet
Amnesty International
Human Rights Watch
H.H.D.L's very own website

See-Saw of the Mind

2007-10-16T08:23:00.000-07:00

Dearest Confusion,
So recently I have come to terms realized that I, Lillian the Great, live in a constant state of hypocrisy in regards to my perception of what is kablamo! Focus your looking balls below and see what I'm talking aboot...

1) Burj Dubai: fascinating feat of engineering or total waste of energy and resources?

2) James Blunt: crooner extraordinaire or a bearded creepy fellow who tends to sing about how beautiful I am? Its true.3) China: rising or crumbling?

4) My Blankie: too old or young at heart?
5) Toasted sandwiches: the ultimate lunch or second to a sweet dynamite roll?

As you can see, I live in a constant push and pull world of what is right and what is wrong. Life is tough...tough and tiring. Its 9:11 in the am, I have been awake for a full two hours...I'm going to go have a nap. In my big bed, with my fluffy pillows, eating my toasted sandwich, while having my blankie keeping me company, dreaming of Chinese versions of the Burj Towers, all while James Blunt is playing in the background.

Blog Action Day!

2007-10-14T22:13:00.000-07:00

To the world,

H2O.

In chemistry this compound can be described as electronegative, in which two hydrogen atoms are covalently bonded to a singular oxygen atom. It has a molar mass of 18.02 g/mol, its molecular geometry is bent, and it can exist in three forms: gas, liquid and solid. It also comprises 80 % of my body, 75 % of the planet, creates $ 100 billion annually in global sales, and forms the basis of all life. In Canada, water is clean, it is abundant, and it is free. So why is it that so many people purchase bottled water every day? Unfortunately, I do not know. However what I do know is this...

From an environmental (and logical) perspective buying bottled water is perhaps not the greatest idea. Many consumers partake in this industry for health and safety fears however, in most cases these worries are unfounded. Often marketed as "pure" the water which fills your plastic bottles is water that has come from a community source or reservoir. Furthermore, public water works have much more stringent regulations than those of bottling plants, and the chances that contamination is going to occur in the latter is close to that of the former. Secondly, the processes of bottling, shipping, and refrigerating the water consumes a high amount of energy which in turn has a negative bearing on the environment. With x billion of bottles consumed per year it is inevitable that a large fraction of those are going to end up in landfills, further causing an incredible amount of unnecessary waste.

Lastly and perhaps most importantly, there are currently 1 billion people in developing countries living without access to clean drinking water. That is 1 in 5 children. 80% of those children are suffering or have died from waterborne diseases, making unsafe drinking water the second largest cause of death for children under five.

Advertisement from Evian

Advertisement from Guinea

So next time you reach for that bottle of glacial fresh water, perhaps pause a moment and think about the spin-off created from that singular inanimate object.

Websites:
NY Tap Project
NDRC
Business Week

One For All...

2007-10-11T10:22:00.000-07:00

Dear You,

The concept of "unity in diversity" is usually associated with the mosaic that is India. I suppose it could also describe Canada, Australia, London and any other multi-ethnic, multi-religious, and multilingual society. A certain wiki source defines the idea as, "a socio-ecological philosophy that describes a sense of oneness despite physical or psychological barriers."

Take this idea and apply it to the world agenda.

With the advent of citizen journalism, in which everyday yous play a significant role in the process of collecting and disseminating information, issues can have much further reach than even five years ago. Take for example the situation in Myanmar. Initially, most of the images and video footage came from ordinary folks who documented then shared the events on the information superhighway. Another example is the upcoming 'Blog Action Day' on October 15th. The objective is to bring as much attention to a global problem as possible by asking bloggers to discuss the same issue: the environment. So far 10 092 bloggers have signed up hoping to reach an audience of over 7 million people.

I think Yochai Benkler said it best: "The capacity to make meaning...and the capacity to communicate one's meaning around the world, are held by, or readily available to, at least many hundreds of millions of users around the globe."

Now to think of an innovative means in which to tell people to flick off...

Check out this video for a better feel of the gist.

HUMP DAY!

2007-10-10T08:34:00.000-07:00

To the middle of the week,

I don't have anything to say, nothing to share, and my hands are empty when it comes to gifts. I looked in my book of everything and I couldn't even find some awesome obscure fact regarding llamas in Mongolia. However, because I didn't want to leave this little web log blank I'm writing useless words. I suppose I could get all philosophical and comment how my emotions are acting in a way that can only be described as a dove being set free to bring peace to not only the world but the universe, and that today when I opened my eyes I said to myself, "This...this is it. Go for it Lillian, because if you don't then who will."

But that's lame-o.

So you're going to have to settle for me drinking my Darjeeling tea and tapping my foot until the little thing I like to call brain matter starts functioning at a normal speed again.

Until then I bid adieu,
-LP

I'm gonna go and make a turkey shake

2007-10-09T08:38:00.000-07:00

Dear Holleedays,

So after feasting on all things turkey I have reached my maximum level of satiety. I am now going to refrain from eating the murdered bird for quite some time....that and no more cranberry sauce pour moi. No more cranberry sauce and potatoes. No more potatoes and berry pie. No more berry pie and ice cream. No more ice cream and crack. Ha! Gotcha! Silly billy....I don't eat ice cream.

Today I woke up at the insanely early hour of 7am and it was still dark out! Then I heard the forecast on the radio and not surprisingly the weatherman called for rain rain rain. This gloomy outlook for the rest of the week prompted my brain to remember S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder). Hold on, I'm just going to slip on my glasses so that I feel more intelligent...okay now that I have my glasses on I can officially call myself a dignified doctor capable of dispensing advice on the aforementioned disorder. The cause: gloominess. The cure: a lamp.

There.

I win.

This could be you!

1000 Words

2007-10-04T07:34:00.000-07:00

Dear Birth,
(NB: Don't worry mom, I'm not pregnant...pregnant get people get their dot at the end of the sentence every month right? That's what I thought.)

My new thing these days (besides discussing things thats make the male species gag) is to be on the cutting edge of this little thing called Life. I even looked up 'new' in the thesaurus...but today is not about new words. No no no folks its about something I think I'm going to appropriately name "1000 Words" as in pictures speak 1000 words. The objective here is to sit back and let the picture tell the story to the audience. That's bullshit. Obviously I'm going to write, cause if I just stuck a picture of like a cow with a red bonnet a whole bunch of things would go through your head.....like is the cow her godmother? Did she eat the cow? Did the cow jump through a ring of fire? Exactly. So let us hold hands, bow our heads, and embark on this journey together...

This is me! Yay me! Those two figures in the background are my parental units, and those little hills in the very back background are part of the Himalayas. That shiny thing that looks really bright is the sun, and we my dear friends are hiking on the roof of the world.

Hindu myths speak of a mountain from which four rivers flow from giving life to all areas they pass through. This area is known as the 'navel of the world' and is described as, "a vast column of 84 000 leagues high, its summit kissing the heavens." Though nobody has ever reached the peak of Mount Kailash (which reaches 6714 meters), it is an important object of worship for four religions (Hindus, Buddhists, Jains and Bons) and thus a kora (religious pilgrimage) destination.

The picture was taken on Day 2 of the 3 day kora (it only takes locals 1 day, perhaps a few more if they are prostrating) and in the early morning probably one hour before we summited the highest point in the hike. I can recall having to wake up after a night's sleep in the fetal position and answering to nature's desperate call. And I can tell you that there is nothing more rejuvenating than having to expose your bare ass to the elements especially when the wind chill is putting the temperature in the negatives. I suppose the positive side to this is that I can now brag about squatting at 5000m + and surviving...I think I might have a t-shirt...oh yes, here it is I made it myself! Anyways we ascended 500 meters bypassing all those wacky Euros with their wacky walking sticks but found out we were only allowed to stay a few minutes at the top otherwise our brains would do funny things, like explode or clot or something. So after quickly documenting ourselves at the top, we turned and began the hike down. Being the friendly person that I am, I had made a few friends. One was named Tashi and the other Dele (pronounced deli) and they were both dogs (DOGS ARE PEOPLE TOO!). Together their names meant "good day!" in Tibetan, and since I befriended them in the morning and those were the only words I knew I found it fitting. I think Tashi ended up staying with me the entire journey maybe because she knew how awesome I was, but most likely because I fed her all my food.

I didn't quite realize how long this was going to be, so I best be stopping otherwise the title '1000 words' will serve as a disclaimer and people will get bored. So I'm stopping...now.

Source: my journal

The Sizzling Sound of A Brand: Part II

2007-10-03T09:53:00.000-07:00

Dear perceptions,

To recap from yesterday's article, nations are approached by the general public in the same manner that consumer products are. Thus it is imperative that nations are branded in a manner which projects their qualities, whatever they may be. Realistically, most people do not have the means (whether that be resources, time etc.) to research, learn, and then form educated opinions on their fellow 6 billion neighbours, 199 other countries, kazillion rival companies, or even whether to go green or not. That is why image is everything and perceptions can either act as the elixir or poison to any commodity.

Yesterday, Brand Africa was mentioned as a continent which is a victim of the 'continent brand effect'. However, it is not the only one that is suffering bad press. In a poll done by a British think-thank, the United States came up as fourth on the list of countries that negatively influence the world (right after Iran, Israel, and North Korea). Uh-oh. However, nation branding is not limited to the naysayers of the world, as it also appeals to those states which barely register on the radar (E.g. Poland), to those trying to make their mark (E.g. India), and to those which are trying to stay on top (E.g. Switzerland). So...what to do?

Simon Anhols quotes Socrates in an attempt to embody what states must do in order to re-brand their image, "the way to achieve a better reputation is to endeavour to be what you desire to appear." Of course it is much easier said than done, but it is a staring point. Because countries are not products, they cannot be marketed in the same manner to which beer is sold. The only way a country can improve its image is if it makes fundamental changes from within - "government, business and society [must] undergo a renaissance in innovation." With creativity and entrepreneurship comes ideas. These ideas then create a buzz, and this buzz makes its way around the world. Once the buzz falls on enough ears, people start to talk. When there are enough people talking you have that coveted reputation and minds begin to change.

Check this out to see New Zealand's effort to create something "pure".

Source: The Monocle (issue 06, vol. 01)

The Sizzling Sound of A Brand: Part I

2007-10-02T00:39:00.000-07:00

To my stereotype,

In 1996 a gentleman by the name of Simon Anholt coined the term nation branding, which is defined simply as the stereotypes the general public associates with a place. Much like ordinary brand imaging, nations and even continents are associated with a particular idea or ideas. For example, the golden arches are to McDonalds what fashion is to Paris.

This notion of nation branding came about in a context where reputations and perceptions of places were becoming as important to their success as their consumer product counterparts. In the labyrinthine world where marketplaces are teeming with every product and image one can think of, people tend to, "navigate through the complex world armed with a few simple clichés that form the background of our opinions." Instead of swimming through the sea of information, people choose to carefully wade around it. While not uncommon and not necessarily wrong, it can prove to be quite detrimental to those places who fall victim to over-generalization.

Take for example Africa. When playing a little game of free association, I automatically think: Bono, HIV/AIDS, war, and famine. Though it may be perceived as naïve on my part, you have to admit you probably thought something along those lines as well. Though some of these associations are founded in legitimacy, the truth does not stretch across the fifty-three states which comprise the continent. Not all of Africa is in a catastrophic state. Mr. Anholt diagnoses Africa with suffering from 'continent brand effect' because "there is so little knowledge of its individual nations, all but South Africa end up sharing virtually the same reputation." As a result of 'Brand Africa' countries which are doing relatively well (E.g. Botswana) end up suffering economically from the negative press surrounding their geographic location.

What does Africa look like to you?

It is difficult to shake these stereotypes especially when they are continually reinforced for charity purposes. However, Mr. Anholt stresses the importance of abolishing Brand Africa and allowing the separate entities to emerge each as their own.

How they do this though is a story for another rainy day. That day will most likely be tomorrow since I am a Vangroover and thus an amphibian.

Mornin' Buttmonkeys!

2007-10-01T09:34:00.000-07:00

To being sick,

After lying dormant for a week my illness has finally emerged and its wrath is now being felt in my nostrils. I L-U-V when I have a freakin volcano erupting magma ever five minutes (volcano being my nose and magma being boogies). Mmm.

Moving on...I was feeling a little down post-lab on Friday but came home and re-discovered this on my computer. I'm pretty sure this 10 second clip can cure all ailments and end all wars, cause its just that amazing.

Have a most fantabulous week minions!

Done.

2007-09-28T09:05:00.001-07:00

To my first lab,

And so the weekend rolls around once more. I feel like a sharp object (I'm thinking cheese grater or perhaps even a lawn mower) went to town on my throat. I also feel like my head as been replaced with a magnet and is continually being attracted to massive metal objects. To add a cherry on top I have lice. KEEEEDING. No but for real its a gorgeous windy Friday, I have my first chem lab this afternoon (a la Dexter's Laboratory), I have three awesome books to plow through, I no longer look like a 14-year old boy in terms of pimples, AND I'm gonna get my mom to make me some cookies. Boo ya.

1) I absorb approximately 5 lbs of chemicals through my skin (viz. creams, deodorant, spray etc.) per year

2) The illusive 'Golden Mean' represents the perfect balance in subjects other than math.

Source: Google Images

3) Merhaba nasilsiniz? Benim adim Lillian.

4) Being a good 100 lbs lighter than your kickboxing partner is not a good things. It does NOT, I repeat does NOT give you any advantage whatsoever.

5) "Wars begin when you will, but they do not end when you please." ~ Machiavelli

Source: Reuters

Others speak so I don't have to.

2007-09-27T22:52:00.000-07:00

To those listening,

"We are like dwarves sitting on the shoulders of giants. We see more, and things that are more distant, than they did, not because our sight is superior or because we are taller than they are, but because they raise us up, and by their great stature add to ours."
~ The Metalogicon

"China is winning the sprint, and we are going to win the marathon."
~ G. Das

"The only difference between the saint and the sinner is that every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future."
~ Oscar Wilde

"I'm hoping to forge a friendship that no longer involves his penis."
~ J. Leung

"It shouldn't work, but it does. It works because all of knowledge is connected. Every so often it makes sense to emerge from the trenches we dig for a living, and ascend to a 30 000 foot view, where we see, to our astonishment, an intricately connected whole."
~ TED Website

Source: Reuters

Click here to read about the anti-junta protests in Myanmar.

A Peg-Leg and a Parrot

2007-09-26T09:21:00.000-07:00

To Jhonny,

I know that International Speak Like a Pirate day was last week however, I didn't realize that until to late and am thus paying homage to those 24 hours now...

Etymology: The word pirate comes from the Greek word peira, meaning "attempt" or "experience" in the context of Arrr "to find luck on the sea." (Wikipedia)

History: The history of piracy goes back to the about 150 years to the age of Vikings. While Eric the Red was discovering little non-tropical islands up in the Northern part of the globe, the Bedouin tribesmen viciously attacked their bearded enemies, stealing their meat, gold, and horned helmets before brutally slaughtering all but one of these pale-skinned men. Soon after that the Bedouin tribesmen became earned a reputation for being the most ruthless "peiras" out there, and the Vikings are known as pansies. (FYI: I just made that all up.)

Something a little more legit: The Strait of Malacca lies at the heart of trade in South Asia acting as the watery highway connecting the continent's biggest powerhouses: China and India. For centuries, this passage has been the source of livelihood for merchants, a passage for vessels, and consequently an ideal target for pirates. Not only is the Strait of Malacca filled with hundreds of barriers including estuaries and mangroves, it literally lies in the middle of the political tensions between Malaysia and Indonesia. Furthermore, statistics remark that over 70 000 merchant vessels (roughly 1/3 of the world's crude oil, and 1/5 of global sea-borne trade) passed through in the year. Coupled together this sliver of ocean is impossible to secure allowing modern-day piracy to thrive.

Source: Wikipedia

In Indonesia pirates are known as lanun (lah-noon) and often come in one of three versions:
1) gangs board vessels and rob the ship's crew
2) multi-national crime syndicates hire a group to steal entire ships
3) guerrilla groups capture seamen for ransom

These gangs of thieves no longer attack in powerful armadas but rather use little wooden boats, excellent maneuvering skills, and machetes to plunder passing ships. Long gone are the legendary tales of barbaric buccaneers whose raids yielded, "troves of gold, gems, gunpowder, opium, and slaves." Instead, be weary of small wooden boats filled with the glistening faces of a few small men emerging undetected from the unlit swampy shoreline.

(Source: National Geographic - Peter Gwin)

I like the word 'armada'.

2007-09-24T09:22:00.000-07:00

To my beloved fan...and one day maybe fans,

So I don't really have anything to write. I have ideas, but alas other subjects of study are calling my name and I don't have time to properly investigate my life up right now. 'Tis quite unfortunate since I think with a trench coat, magnifying glass, and pipe I could pretty much mistaken for Sherlock Holmes, the fictional British Bohemian man of mystery thought up by none other than author Arthur Conan Doyle in the late 1800s. See what I did there? Yeah I said I didn't have time to look things up and I lied cause I fully just wiki-ed that shit. Its kinda how I roll...take it or leave it my friends, take it or leave it.

That paragraph doesn't really make sense so you can completely disregard it.

I suppose I could go on and write a diatribe about the days of my life, but I will not because nothing exciting is happening. Actually exciting things do happen, but only I tend to find them spectacular. Like my reading lamp. Used it for the first time yesterday - MARVELOUS. Not only is it sleek and cute, I think it also saves electricity. On that note, all power to you Ban Ki-Moon.

Cause things are infinitely better when you're
in the land of red bean buns, flying shrimp,
fish in your boat, and Taipei 1-0-Fun!
Heart.

Its a (Turkey) Wrap!

2007-09-21T10:20:00.000-07:00

To tomorrow,

Because I did this last week I'm going to do it again. I am taking that next step, going there, and forging my own tradition. From the dictionary of my dome, the word "tradition" is defined as: something done once but in the classiest way possible. Thus I will straighten the bow in my hair, slip on my white silk gloves, sit up straight, and recap the most kablamo things I've come across this week.

1)I totally know how to do electrochemistry now. Yeah so you better watch out or I just might REDOX your face. OOOOO.

2)Muay (moo-ee) Thai was formerly known as "nawa arwut" (which means "nine weapons") because soldiers were taught to fight using their nine natural weapons: 2 hands, 2 elbows, 2 knees, 2 feet and 1 head. NB: the head is now forbidden but everything else is still fair game

3)Vis pacem para bellum.

4) My little brother kicks ass. My older brother...well he has an STD.

5) Pulitzer Prize winners write good: "The wealth of the world has a New York address. It piles up in buildings on land that is laced with gold. And perhaps nowhere is the essence of New York more evident than in Greenwich Village - for it is a microcosm of all that New York has become, and in its story is the story of a great city...It is one of the few places in the city where the sky has not been stolen by high and indescribably ugly buildings. You can stand on a Greenwich Village street in the early Manhattan morning and watch the night sky lighten and break into streaks of rose that suddenly saturate the heavens, then burst with sunlight that ignites the sidewalk and street." (Jimmy Breslin)

And in the words of Jay-Z...."GOODNIGHT."

A Different Kind of Growth

2007-09-19T10:29:00.000-07:00

To all future earth spawn,

According to this population clock, the globe's citizenry is rapidly approaching 7 billion. WOW.

The world, of course, has never been home to so many humans in its entire history. Questions surrounding resources, sustainability, and other related topics all arise and are currently hot topics of debate between everybody and their second cousin. But when all the numbers conglomerate together, all all history is sewn into a tapestry of life, and those who have crossed the river into Hades coupled with those who have experienced the pearly white gates/reincarnation/paradise are put into a simple equation of addition, this question arises: do living people outnumber the dead?

Demographer, Carl Harb, has dedicated his studies to this very question. Mr. Harb starts his research at 50 000 years ago, time = 0 where he believes homo sapiens first appeared with Adam and Eve. From there he has used the information available surrounding various time periods (E.g. 8000 B.C. during the Middle East's agricultural revolution) and deduced approximate population numbers. In short, his studies conclude that from time zero to around 2002 the total of those human alive and dead reached 106 billion. Even with today's almost 7 billion, we comprise only just over 6%.

What about the future? A professor from Columbia University, Joel E. Cohen, highly doubts that the Earth's population will ever double its current figures. Following past and present trends, he predicts that "the world body's estimates range from 7.3 billion to 10.7 billion people" in 2050.

So the answer is fiction, the world's living will never outnumber the dead.

(Source: Scientific American article by Ciara Curtin)

This photo is completely unrelated
but hilarious nonetheless.
(Globe & Mail)

The Ever-Expanding Latitude of the World

2007-09-18T10:13:00.000-07:00

To my lunch,

When making a trip to the bookstore I always pass the magazine section to see if I can discreetly check up on the current relationship status of Brad and Angelina by just glancing at headlines (you see this way I just keep my curiosity casual instead of borderline obsessive). Recently, as I was doing a quick walk-by, the special issue of Scientific American on "FEAST and FAMINE: The Global Paradox of Obesity and Malnutrition" caught my eye before I reached the US Weekly section. The bold headline, a picture of a global hamburger, and a quick flip through cemented my interest and the magazine was effectively sold.

According to most of the articles within the covers, the world is fat. I knew America was fat, I knew certain places in Canada were fat, but I didn't know that currently the number of overweight people is significantly greater than those who are underweight. In fact, studies estimate that 1.3 billion people are overweight while 800 million still go hungry. This transformation - the shift from undernutrition to overnutrition - is called the the nutrition transition and has literally happened overnight (well, within a generation).

Developing countries are the significant players on both sides of the scale (har dee har har). Famine and food insecurity are rooted in a wide variety of causes ranging from lack of good governance to natural disasters. Most often states and communities will become stuck in the poverty trap (see Jeffrey Sachs) and consequently go hungry. On the flip side, countries such as Mexico, China and even Brazil are doing the opposite.

Lifestyle changes and the adoption of more Westernized practices abroad (driving instead of walking, fast food instead of good food etc.) have created an obesity epidemic. In the aforementioned countries the percentage of adults who are obese have all practically doubled from figures from 10 years ago. For example, in China during 1991, 12.9% of adults were overweight...the figure in 2004 was 27.3%. Furthermore, the price of being fat is become cheaper and cheaper and thus a more favorable option for those on low-budget incomes. A bottle of Fanta is less expensive then a quart of milk, potato chips taste better than a raw carrot, and vegetable oil goes nicely with everything. You get the picture.

It has never been a question of lack of food in the world. It is well-known that there is enough calories on Earth to fill the stomachs of citizens from Chicago to Freetown. Discouragingly the world's belt is poking new notches in all the wrong places, while those starving a literally left in the dust.

Kablamo Expanded with K --> 8 sideways

2007-09-13T20:43:00.000-07:00

To K-King,

Here's a list of really incredibly incredible things that I have stumbled across this week. The supposed list is a little random, kinda like finding Decepticon slippers in my living room, Beijing shooting down rain clouds, A-Coop finding his way into my bed (OH! I'm not even sure what that means), or even a polar bear with a naturally occurring mullet.

1) "Sheep are evil. They have no eyebrows. You never know if what you're saying to them is having any effect." ~ Tommy Tiernan

2) There were 3 big booms in the history of the interweb: (Business Week)

Early 1990s: BROWSING - users began typing in addresses of sites/portals to find things
Mid-1990s: SEARCHING - with the advent of search engines people could now use keywords to find them a list of results. This thereby re-defined "web surfing" and provided a quicker way to sort out info
Now: SHARING - users are increasingly customizing websites, blogs, social networking profiles with small programs known as "widgets". It is highly likely that individuals will now become the main distributors on the web market.

3) Starvation can be considered a weapon of mass destruction.

4) Calculus is more than U + ME = US....it has like graphs and shit. WEEEEEEEIRD.

5) You can send mail for free at EasyPost.ca

6) Adam learned that he has a fist magnet in his head. (NB: A fist magnet is something attracts fists to your face or head or both)

7) Feeling down? Watch David Caruso's one liners from CSI: Miami.

That's pretty much it. Time for me to go and watch Anna and the King cause thats just how I roll (I heart Chow Yun Fat).

(We Feel Fine)

a break from the same old same old

2007-09-12T09:21:00.000-07:00

To the processes of metamorphism,

I thought things were getting a wee bit too serious there, and unfortunately my brain is all in like superstar genius mode right now (thank the U + ME = US), and thus not in funny mode whatsoever. My days are filled with scenarios like these:

"Hi! My name is X, are you in first year?" - Student X
"Um, me?? Oh no no." - Me
"Oh, well then you must be in second year right?"
"Acutalllllly, I've graduated. Yeahhhh, I already have a degree. Huh."

But you know what?!? Its okay. I will be okay. Perhaps if I keep chanting that under my breath I will start to believe it. As cherry on the shitastic cupcake (okay okay its not that bad...I tend to exaggerate things by a small fraction) I dreamt that my beloved object of affection was gay! If I recall correctly, I think he was featured in some paparazzi shots carrying several multi-coloured children in his hands with his life partner. BOOOO! WHY GOD WHY?!? First Anderson, now Johnathan!!!! From here on out, I'm only madly falling in love with guys who have one syllable in their name. Like Zac.

And lastly because pictures speak 1000 words. Well in this case only : "Look guys! I'm a butterfly!"

Here to Japan? No problem, mon!

2007-09-11T10:08:00.000-07:00

To the chick in Zambia who smokes 3 cigarettes a day,

Globalization an ambiguous albeit very familiar term, nowadays infers a wide spectrum of meanings. Recently brainiacs have narrowed the focus of this concept and now view globalization as the, "fundamental changes in the spatial and temporal contours of social existence" (Stanford University). Distance is traditionally measured by the time it takes to get from Point A to Point B. As this time decreases so, essentially does the distance. From this idea, it is possible to reach the conclusion that the human experience is changing as the concept of space and boundaries are altered. Whew.

Using this notion that geography (in its traditional sense) is becoming increasingly peripheral, International Networks Archive has adopted a new means of mapping the world: Information Mapping. Motivated by the framework of 'network analysis' this Princeton-based group seeks to link the global community through areas that transcend national boundaries (Eg. education, water, the tobacco trade, and even the good ol' Golden Arches/Green Bean Shop). This is all done not only as an effort to trace the ever-changing shape of the world, but a to better understand the complex web of relationships that is emerging.

Its cool, trust me.

Here are a few examples....

NB: Jonathan Harris, current object of my affection, was a participant in this during his Ivy League days. *sigh*

Big Fish in a Big Pond

2007-09-10T08:54:00.000-07:00

To shrimp,

I was going to write something on what my beloved and long-lost JTT (aka Jonathan Taylor Thomas) is up to these days, but then as I was partaking in my daily surfing routine I stumbled upon these incredible creatures. A tad ugly, but intriguing nonetheless.

(National Geographic)

This fine specimen of fish featured above is appropriately called the Mekong Giant Catfish.Endemic to Cambodia, this megafish can also be found in neighboring Thai and Laotian waters. Weighing in at over 300 kilograms and spanning up to 3 meters, this colossal Poseidon of Kampuchea is rarely caught (only once in 2006) but still remains on the 'Critically Endangered' List. Though bans have been placed in Southeast Asian regions, they are highly ineffective and this poor fella ends up on the dinner table.

(National Geographic)

This herculean mass of aquatic matter is known as the Giant Freshwater Stingray, and is also found in Cambodia's Mekong River. Slightly larger than its catfish counterpart, this stingray can reach a maximum size of about five meters and 600 kilograms.

I'm not certain what either of these mega-fishes eat....probably people, maybe only small babies. It also baffles me how they are caught, or how for that matter the man above is just holding onto the stingray's tail like one would to a doggie leash.

Almost Legit

2007-09-07T10:09:00.000-07:00

To cargo pants everywhere,

This dude appropriately named Odbol has invented Drum Pants. "But L-Peezy," you ask "What is this crazy apparatus?" Well my friends, its pretty much drums sewn into some dude's pants. I KNOW. Though it sounds pretty dumb, and I must admit it is.....its like what?? Pockets weren't good enough??? Now my pants need to recreate percussion instruments?!?!

Odbol has broken down the traditional walls that have surrounded leg-garments. People are now capable of sporting pants which allow wearers (?) to beat out their own personal drum solos by tapping different parts of said piece of clothing. Through crazy technology and like electrons and maybe an atom or something, "the wearer thusly becomes a cyborg musician." Enough said.

I don't know....I feel I'm going to have to throw back to the good ol' days when kids were content with just making horsie sounds on their laps. To the races my comrades!

Odbol as a cyborg musician. Dum bum dum.

I Feel Fine.

2007-09-06T10:54:00.000-07:00

To the cosmos of emotions,

Amongst a world of violence, Coca-Cola, and pollution, two men have turned back to what drives humans to act the way we do. There is an increasing amount of discourse about the expanding gaps within the global community that have prompted a series of reactions. For example, religion, sexuality, and gender all act as poles to which we find ourselves being pulled towards in an effort to transcend a feeling of anonymity. Another example might be aSmallWorld.net which is similar to Facebook but with a much higher level exclusivity.

Unlike these movements towards isolation, We Feel Fine is a project that reverts back to the basic human nature. Happiness. Anger. Jealousy. Guilty. Love. Awesomeness. All feelings of human emotion which are compiled to "explore human emotion on a global scale." This mind grenade was originally detonated in 2005 by Jonathan Harris and Sep Kamvar, computer scientists by day and internet anthropologists by night. They both set out with the objective to, "make the world seem a little smaller" by gathering thousands of human emotions that were shared on the information superhighway. The program works by scanning updated blogs (think Blogger, Flickr etc.) for the words "I feel" and "I am feeling." From there, information such as gender, age, and even weather are saved in a database and organized onto various interfaces. Users can then choose a preferred interface (We Feel Fine calls them 'movements') and sift through the millions of feelings felt worldwide. So that people do not feel intruded upon, We Feel Fine only gathers information that is posted online and vows to never associate individual human names with the results that are displayed.

As of 11 am this morning 9 million feelings have been gathered, and I must admit its nice to realize that somewhere out there someone also needs a tissue.

Expand Your Braindeezies in 2 Minutes!

2007-09-05T08:50:00.000-07:00

To fun words,

In the spirit of the new school year I have a list of new words so I can talk gooder.

1) SNAFU - originally an acronym from WWII it stands for 'Situation Normal: All Fucked Up'. In modern terms it can be used in a context where something went awry in an otherwise A-ok situation.
Eg. Lillian thought her life was going as planned until she found herself in a snafu. She can now be found crying in a corner.

2) PANOPLY -a complete and impressive array of something.
Eg. Lillian's smile is a panoply of teeth. It can bring sight to the blind, food to the starving, and love to an otherwise violent snafu.

3) BEATIFY - (pronounced bee-ett-ify) to become a holy person i.e. declare a person (posthumously) blessed.
Eg. Lillian, though not dead, has been beatified because she saved the world from a self-destructing snafu with her panoply of a grin.

4) ACQUIESCENCE - acceptance without protest.
Eg. Lillian is now President, Prime Minister, Queen and Ruler of all things Kablamo. You believe this because you are in the state of being acquiescent.

Tips 4 Back 2 School Cool

2007-09-04T08:22:00.000-07:00

To those wide-eyed kiddies,

1) Don't fart in lecture....it's not funny if you're a stranger, and if it smells I might just have to shin you.

2) Bring me a cookie and I will teach you how to earn a black belt in keeping it real.

Yep that's pretty much it kids. Follow the aforementioned golden rules and I will reach out my arms as shelter and guide you into utter awesomeness.

And for kicks here's my map project from first grade. Map = smrt. For a cherry-on-the-top situation I challenge you to name the continent pictured here! Its a stumper. Best of luck my fellow wookies.

Jigga jigga, whaaat?!

2007-08-31T06:35:00.000-07:00

To asses everywhere,
My little bro informed me that a state in the US of A is trying to pass legislation to prohibit baggy pants. With my masterful detective skills and PhD in Perefection I was able to utilize a certain search engine to "dig a little further."

Here is what I found: CLICK ME! CLICK ME!

Basically a councilman in Atlanta is trying to to make it illegal for males to show their skivvies (viz. baggy pants) and females to exhibit their thongs and/or sports bras in public (viz. being a ho-bag). The councilman, who b-t-dubs is no fashionista himself, insinuates that the overall goal here is to lift society's standards by keeping underwear hidden. Furthermore, there is a concern that instituting such laws will lead to racial profiling against young black people.

My opinion? Well I feel strongly that there are other avenues for society to improve. Education, for example. We alllll know that 1 in 5 "US Americans are unable to [locate US on a world map] uhhhh....because....uhhhh....what's a map?"Not but seriously, banning baggy pants is like banning farting. Impossible. Its like telling a frog not to hop, or the Parsons family not to be awesome. Yeah, I KNOW! But if for some reason this anti-butt floss, anti-tightie whitey law does get written in the books how are they supposed to enforce it? If you're thinking fashion police you are seriously deranged (FYI: that was most definitely a quote from 'Stick It')...they would have about as much authority as my ass in a fist fight. As for the racial profiling, perhaps people should stop dressing like walking town bicycles, or maybe YOU should stop associating baggy pants with gats! Whose the racist now, beeeeotch??

And now a moment of geniousity.

Word of the Day:

2007-08-30T08:40:00.001-07:00

Dong sack (dong - saq)
-noun
A thin sheath, usually of very thin rubber but could be made of leaves.

[Origin: 2007; a mud puddle in Madagascar...what??? They don't have mud puddles in Madagascar?? Assface.]

WOW.

2007-08-29T13:28:00.000-07:00

To stooopid peedpoles,

Turn your looking balls on to THE smartest most fascinating lady-speaker to have graced the planet.

Its hump day and my breath smells like onions.

Here's a cool pic of the recent lunar eclipse:

(www.mreclipse.com/LEphoto/TLE1982Jul/TLE1982seq1-2w.JPG)

Peace homeslices.

Child Abuse? Nah, more like testing the limits of an 8 year old body.

2007-08-28T12:17:00.000-07:00

To infinity and beyond!
Hi folks. Sorry for my one day hiatus, I had other things on my mind. Other things being sleep and food and NOT in that order (a la fat kid). Anyways you know who isn't a fat kid??? This eight year old girl featured in this photo: She seems normal, as she's just you know like cruising on some form of rapid transit somewhere in the vast nation of China. Her story becomes slightly more complicated when you find out that she's recently completed a 3560 km run from her home province of Hainan to Beijing. This article in the Globe and Mail goes on to accuse her father of child abuse. The father defends himself by claiming the run was in celebration of the 2008 Olympics, and that his daughter "loves running." I don't know guys....this is a toughie. I'm not sure if I would go so far as to call it child abuse....more like molding your child to avoid the growing problem of obesity. I mean I've seen other pictures of this freak of a child and she was indeed grinning. And in the picture above she seems absolutely fascinated by the kaleidescope - her red star (hahah commie pun!) for running no less than a marathon and a half per day. So with my solid background in math I've just put two and two together and have reached the conclusion that its completely normal AND acceptable to do this to a child. Hear that future Parsons spawn??? You get a high five if you run from Vancity to Halifax, and I'll even throw in my wee bro's old collection of Big Lego if you swim across the Atlantic.

In related news, to avoid rain clouds during the coming Summer Olympics scientists have invented some sort chemical that when shot up into the sky will cause rain clouds to disippate. I think its safe to say that weather can now be checked off of the things China has defeated.

In unrelated news, here's a pic of giraffes making out...

Cause errbody needs to smile on flyday...

2007-08-24T13:16:00.000-07:00

To the weekend,

Bored and a little off my game whilst playing tetris last night I caught a wave on the surf that is the internet (yah, i went there) and found these effin hilarious photos. I was going to post more of Zac and I but decided that somethings should just remain private...heh heh heh. Okay, I think I officially just crossed the big creep/good fan line. Don't worry Z I'm gonna take a step back, but ONLY cause its the weekend and my parental units are coming to visit.

Haha this baby is fat!
FAT BABY FAT BABY FAT BABY!

Haha this panda got stuck!
STUCK PANDA STUCK PANDA STUCK PANDA!

HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND BUTTMONKEYS!

Don't Believe Everything You Read!!!

2007-08-23T13:23:00.000-07:00

To silly rumor starters,

Guys, I just wanted to clear things up before you read about these outrageous rumors somewhere else.

A few weeks ago me and my friend were vacationing in Hawaii and the paparazzi managed to get some shots of us. This picture somehow got leaked onto the internet and made it into Rolling Stone. So I just want to make one thing absolutely clear: Zac and I are JUST friends. Even though we're holding hands, frolicking on the beach, and totally just made out...its kinda what friends do these days. Its not like we went back to the hotel to do things that probably shouldn't be mentioned in public, in fact we just sat on our balcony and made friendship bracelets for each other. By friendship bracelets I mean he sang me a montage from Hairsrpay while I choreographed a synchronized swimming routine in the hot tub.

Laundry anyone? GET IT??! Cause he's got a washboard
stomach! boo ya.

Also, today I figured out how to background fill a table on MS word...WHAT DID YOU DO? HUH?

Over and oot.

the SKY is the limit

2007-08-22T11:22:00.000-07:00

To the stars in my eyes,

Check it.

Too much cloud cover? Summer smog got you down? Google can help. What started as a side project has become something INSANELY AWESOME. The canadarm of Google Earth which is entitled "Sky" allows users to view the heavens above and around our lovely planet. Just like G-Earth which allows people to see globe from space, Sky lets our looking balls see the stars like we're looking up at the night sky. Cool, eh? Like me...I'm cool. Kablamo even.

Yeah, wanna know what else is cool? The World's First Morphable Bed.

Bowww-chicka-bowww-wooow!!

Peace.

Top Fives (bitch)

2007-08-21T14:10:00.000-07:00

To the boring gnomes,

Animals:
1) Horses with swords on their heads
2) Sea horses with swords on their heads
3) Giraffes cause they have a sword as their neck
4) Dragons cause they can melt swords with their breath
5) Pigeons

Pet Peeves:
1) Running out of sliced turkey
2) Running out of peanut butter
3) Still having pimples even though I'm approaching 22
4) Having my mom call me and ask me about my sex life
5) Pigeons

Things I like to Collect:
1) Conch shells (a la Lord o Flies)
2) Pogs
3) Rainbows
4) Horses with swords on their heads
5) Pigeons

That's all I can think of write now....my brain is kinda on the DL these days, trying to keep all those life offers at bay...you know how it is.

In other news, Mumbai is trying to go rat-free. That's like trying to pluck Chewbacca hairless with a pair of broken tweezers.

(Here's a panda with its wee panda baby which looks more like
a morbidly obese hamster but whatever)

Excuse me, where you saying something?

2007-08-16T11:37:00.000-07:00

To the haters and lovers,

50 Cent (or "fiddy") has come out with these outrageous comments slamming the one and only Louis Vuitton Don claiming that despite the fact that Kanye is, "a great talent as a producer" he still doesn't really know who the Big K is. MTV.com reports that the bullet-ridden giant piece of muscle also pats himself on the back taking the credit for Kanyeezy's success saying, "I feel like Kanye West is successful because of me. After 50 Cent, fans were looking for something non-confrontational, and they went for the first thing that came along."

Clearly Fiddy has a point here. I mean after singing about birfdays, clubs and magic sticks (PENIS!). I think people were a little worn out of the entire "shoot-em up" mentality and opted for something a little softer....a little more like a lullaby....a little of KW. Umm....not to be like mean or anything but maybe Curtis (50's real name) should go play in traffic or something. Like who gets shot nine times?!?! Seriously?? LEARN YOUR F-IN LESSON BIRFDAY BOY!!

Furthermore, KW is selling the whole package here. He's got all the class, skill, and appeal of someone I would have sex with. Curtis...well Curtis on the other hand has about as much class as a legless donkey, as much skill as a snake with no tail (yeah...think about it), and as much appeal as a eunic with two giant hair warts in places of his/her eyeballs.

STICK THAT IN YOUR CRACK PIPE AND SMOKE IT!

Kanye is forever. (GET IT?!)

So now that I've finished feeling cool for the day I'm going to go and weep in my crying corner cause my tooth hurts.

WOW.

2007-08-15T14:46:00.000-07:00

To the song of the summer,

Mandy Moore. Rihanna. Umbrella. Phenomenal.

Take a lookie.

Why Come Peeple aR Stoopid?

2007-08-14T14:16:00.000-07:00

To you...yes you,

This article was in Reuters' Oddly Enough section which isn' totally legit, but the Globe & Mail also featured a video on the same guy, so I win cause I'm a winner. Basically this man who goes by the name of "Anas" tried to bring, "a large number of reptiles...out of Egypt in his luggage." When caught, Anas gave the excuse of needing them for scientific research in his university in Saudi.

I don't know guys...I'm really at a loss for words right now. There is just so many levels of idiocy in relation to this situation that I'm not quite sure where to begin. I'll just begin by not saying anything. Wait, I always say something. This guy is an A-grade dumbfuck. No...that was too harsh, I mean after all he was only doing this in the name of science. I correct myself, Anas is an ASS. HAHAH! BAM!!! WHOSE THE BRAINIAC NOW?!?

'Cause bears are people too

If an elephant farts in a forest will you hear it?

2007-08-13T13:24:00.000-07:00

To my lumberjacks,

The answer to that question is yes. How do I know this? I was in said forest when the aforementioned big-eared mammal decided to rip one. 'Cause I didn't read any blog-worthy articles on the news today (although to be fair I only quickly glanced through the "style" section of the Globe & Mail) I've decided to share my own stories. I'm sure if you've been a friend of my for any length of time and we have been bored together then I'm certain you've heard these anecdotes before. But because I have several Ls in my name I'm allowed to be redundant. That argument didn't make sense, but you know what neither does making book covers out of human skin (*cough* Hitler *cough*).

Part Uno:
My fam and I were trekking through the jungles of Thailand using machetes to cut through the tall grasses and thorn-ridden bushes for several days (read: hours) before reaching our camp for the night. Upon reaching the little village we were going to stay in my mom promptly had what is known as a "shit fit". Now, let it be known that the adventures of the Priory of Parsons were still nascent so my mom hadn't quite become accustomed to the rustic feeling of many of the places we were going to stay in. Lucky for my mom, she had my dad who in turn asked if we could perhaps opt out of the bamboo-covered open-aired shelter the locals originally offered to us and sleep in something more closed-off (you see apart from having no privacy whatsoever there were also a lot of mangy looking dogs that would probably come have their pups in your sleeping bag when you were off squatting in the bushes). Anyways blah blah blah the funny part comes when Adam (my wee bro) is "touring" around this hut a kind family offered us for the night. The bamboo hut was raised about a meter or so off the ground and was a one room nothing inside kinda deal. In reality there wasn't much to explore, but Adam b-lined it to a corner of the hut with a hole cut into the floor. He said and I quote, "Guys come here!! Look!!! This is soo cool!! There is this hole in the floor!! Neat-o!" Let it be known, he was yelling all of this with excitement as his head was in the hole on the floor in the corner in the bamboo hut. I'm not sure who said it, I think it might have been my dad that finally broke the news to Ad that the hole was not "something he should stick his head through" because it was a toilet. HAHA! Ad stuck his head down a poop-hole!

Part Doo-oh:
Later on that day we got to go on a little elephant trek which was insanely fun. Being later in the day the mahuts (the elephant drivers) were already high off their rockers on some local brand of herb so they were just kinda letting the elephants do their thaang. My fam was split up into two elephants: my dad and Christian on the front one, and me, my mom and Ad on the second one which was behind. I'm not sure which of the following incidents came first but I'll start with the "thar she blows!" one. As we're lumbering along through the jungle I hear what sounds like a gigantor fart from the lead elephant. We all started laughing...you know mouths wide open ha-ha-ing and then it hit us. A good five seconds after this giant sound came from the elephant's ass a HUGE gust of wind aka an elephant fart hit us spraying dirt, ass particles and god knows what else into our faces/mouths/hair/clothes etc. Moral of the story: don't laugh at a farting elephant. The second elephant incident is quite possibly a quintessential Parsons' moment. Again it started off as something innocent, as the elephants were taking us alongside a river. As we were just about to cross the river my mom screams "OH MY GOD!! CHIPPY LOOK!! LILLY LOOK! WHERE IS THE CAMERA?!" And we're all thinking "What? What????" Then my mom says "THE ELEPHANT IS HAVING AN ERECTION!! ITS PENIS IS DRAGGING IN THE WATER!!" Hahahah. Wow mom. Classic.

Woah...that was a little longer than I thought so perhaps I'll stop here. I wish I had pictures of the elephant wang but we took that trip before digital cameras came into existence....but perhaps its better this way.

(P.O.P.)

I like toast.

2007-08-11T15:20:00.000-07:00

To my homeboys,

I'm bored.

I'm trying to decide whether I should enjoy the dying hours of daylight or take a nap. I'm leaning towards the latter because napping is pretty much the bomb diggity. Since I've got nothing of real substance to write about I thought I would just comment arbitrarily in point form...

-I've come to the conclusion that jam is too sweet for my taste buds. PB will now appear on all toast that is consumed by me

-I went to four stores today looking for the Link on the cover of Rolling Stone only to be utterly devastated because people are no longer selling it! Tear....who am I kidding??!! I'm effin bawling right now. Sad? No....merely dedicated to the cause.

-Skip-stepping is freakin awesome

-No matter how old I get the pimple part of puberty never seems to be over

-Enrigque's "Hero" is still as amazing as it was 5 years ago

-I think this post is proof that I need to get a life. That or nap. I have a life........a life in my imaginary land of Lillyput. There I am all. I am a flower, I am a giant, I am a boat and a star. I've also married and then divorced Anderson Cooper (don't worry we still remain BFFs), am currently engaged to Link Larkin. Oh....my hair is also long and flowy aaaand I can do the splits. There are also unicorns with their uni-horns.

DONE.(Cats are ugly)

Something a little different...

2007-08-09T14:06:00.000-07:00

To those not faint of heart,

Defn of TABOO: proscribed by society as improper or unacceptable. The word is thought to come form the Tongan word "under prohibition" but is often used today to mean "sacred" or "holy" (Wikipedia).

National Geographic has taken this word to showcase the "seemingly bizarre and shocking practices from around the world." They've launched a TV show exploring everything from stomach scraping in New Guinea to the horimono in Japan and though some of the practices are absolutely disgusting to witness I find myself strangely drawn to these so-called taboos.

The traditional "long-necked" women found in Northern Thailand.

These rituals occur all over the world and for a plethora of reasons. Initiation rituals (and you thought pimples were bad...), sexual identity, identity in general, paying homage to one's ancestors, and just general freedom of expression are only some of the motives behind doing these unusual practices.

To add a sweet cherry on the bodily mutilating ice cream, NG has created a game called "How Taboo Are You?" which gives players two options from a long list of global cultural practices. Think about it as a wee game of "Would You Rather" except these choices are far beyond what I have ever thought of. Maori face tattoos.

Compare this to one of those "car-crash" analogies....or rather there is somebody next to you on the subway with an extremely large goiter and all you want to do is force your eyes to look away but all you are able to do is stare. All I can do right now is contemplate whether I want some rad crocodile skin etched into my back or be hung by metal hooks pierced through my chest for a few minutes. Tough choice. Literally.

The Ladies Choice

2007-08-08T14:32:00.001-07:00

Dearest My Heart,

I think this might be my most important entry yet. I think the significance of what you are about to read is magnanimous and it just goes to show that you can love and dedicate yourself to one thing, one soul, one life....but all of that can be turned upside down and and scattered into a trillion tiny pieces within the blink of an eye.

I'm not saying that my fundamental feelings have been transformed, I am just opening my heart to more opportunities. Anderson Hays Cooper, international man of god-like qualities will always have a special and rather large compartment in my heart. But guys, lets get serious here....I need something more viable...someone that I might have more in common within....I need Link Larkin. You ladies probably now him as the adorable Zac Efron, but I think we all are in agreement when I say that as his puberty-ridden days come to a close he is the sun that rises from a stormy winter's night to shine upon all the gleaming snowflakes that have freshly drifted to the ground.

I shan't say anymore because his eyes speaker louder than any of my words can.
C'est tout.

P.S. Ummmm Link...I mean Zac, if you're reading this...GOTCHA! hahaha! Sometimes I like to get all creepy-like and totally stalkerish cause I think its funny. Not cause I'm at all jealous of your right hand holding your left pectoral...nooooo noo not at all. In real life I'm cool. Even my mom says so, so that's telling you something.

Busta Rhyme Not A Crime!

2007-08-07T14:04:00.000-07:00

Dearest Link,

Sawasdee ka! This article was in the New York Times today and it caught my attention because the headline was squashed right in between "Georgia Accuses Russia of Firing Missiles" and "Israel Moves Settlers in West Bank". The actual headline, "To Punish Thai Police, a Hello Kitty Armband" is probably the strangest ummmm whats the word coupling (?) I've seen in awhile....okay, today...but whatever.

Anywhos the article is describing this new program the Thai popos in Bangkok are putting into place to try and discriminate those who are supposed to enforce law and order from breaking it. Apparently if you litter, you get an armband. If you abuse your parking privileges, you get an armband. If you fart in a wat, you get an armband. Okay...that last one was a lie but you get the gist. The success of the program is banking on the brilliant notion that no man's man or any member of the male species for that matter, would willingly want to sport a hot pink Hello Kitty armband complete with 2 linking hearts! Humiliation at is finest.

Though the idea came from the infamous 'broken window theory' (google George Kelling) I think it is absolutely brilliant. Its like having the Berlin Wall made out of lego, or fighting those terrorists by throwing lemon pies in their face....but in all seriousness, its cool cause its simple, is a little ridiculous and so far its worked. Mad props d-a-w-g.

In other news, I wish my life was a musical.

Like Ha Ha Ha Ha...Ha!

2007-08-06T09:45:00.000-07:00

Dearest Keeks,

I mean why not? The ocean is its bathtub and a giant rubber duckie makes about just as much sense as an elephant picking its trunk with a spatula. Oh, snap!

Oh...sorry...this one somehow slipped itself in here, and I can't seem to figure out how to delete pictures. B-T-dubs this is Hil and me, just chillin out making silly faces and then LOL-ing our asses off cause our silly faces are too darn silly! Just another day in the life of me.

This is funny cause the little farm girl is yelling at the donkey and the donkey is yelling at her. Its like the Ultimate Fighter Challenge except that one of the contestants is a four-legged hairy beast thats named after an anus and the other one is this adorable little girl with a hankie around her head. Five bucks on the chick.

Q: What are you doing today?

2007-08-05T20:05:00.000-07:00

A: Oh, running around the world.

Water Watch (National Geographic)
The Blue Planet Run

This is only slightly amazing and completely ridiculous. What I like about it though is that Al Gore is fat, makes a movie and becomes a hero, but these people? They like to run (a lot), they're just like you and me (except for that running 'round the world bit), and when this feat is all over its back to work.

How is the world covered in 70-75% water yet at least 1/6th of the world's population is unable to have access to safe drinking water? I have no clue.

Tonight I think I'll turn the tap off when I brush my teeth...